scared

I'm scared. I always go home about once or twice a month to visit my family. A few hours ago my dad called me. They were planning on visiting me on my birthday. Now, my birthday is a long time from now (August) but time goes by so fast we have to plan these things out in advance. So why am I scared? Because the year added to my life means another year less to my parents. My parents are still relatively young. My dad is 56 and my mom is turning 50 this July. But all of us are going to face death in one form or another. I'm scared because I'm not spending as much time with them as I wish I could. I don't know who said the saying "Live your life to the fullest" but it's hard to do that and spend time with your loved ones like there's no tomorrow. So my fears are escalated with my lack of time with my family. I'm blabbering, I know. I just can't imagine a life without any of my family members and I don't want to. I mentioned to one of my friends before that I'd rather die first before my parents. But then again, my parents have been through enough in their lives so why give them more grievance? What am I saying?! I don't know where all these thoughts are coming from. I'm just scared.