My personal challenge

I know it's been a while since I've last written something. It's mainly because I don't think there were anything exciting to write or development in my boring life. That and because I've been lazy in writing. Sure, people think that because I'm a flight attendant my life must be more interesting. I get to see different parts of the world and meet different people. Wrong. At least the latter part of it. The former part is true enough but once I've seen the most beautiful parts of the world, I've been complacent or indifferent. Not that I'm not appreciative, I love my job after all. But I guess I'm less excited and appreciative of places when I've seen something better.

Anyway, on the people part, I don't really meet more people than an average person. If anything, I meet even less. I blame my job for parts of it. I'm never in the same place long enough and often enough for me to meet people. And on my days off, I go to my parents' house and hang out mostly with my brothers and sister. I hang out with my friends sometimes when they're available. But considering we're all grown up (ugh!) and have separate lives, we don't see each other everytime I visit. We see each other usually every other month or so. And if I have my memory right, which I think I do, I'm the only single one. The odd woman out. With the exception of our new comer to the group, Jos. Not that I dwell on my being single...ok I do dwell on my being single once in a while but never out loud. And mainly at times when I have nothing to do and no one to drag with me. I don't let myself be sucked with the happily ever after scenario much. I already know that I'll be fine becoming an old maid so long that I fall in love at least once though it's far from happening the way how things are going with my life right now.

So the major reason why I meet even less people than an average person is because of my personality. I can be very dense and oblivious at times. It might be because I generally don't pay attention (or care) about the people I don't know. Oh, I can be very observant and usually hit the mark on what people are thinking and what they're upto if I put effort to it. But I usually don't. I guess I can be a hopeless romantic because I would think sometimes that I really shouldn't pay that much attention and look for love. It should come unexpectedly. Not that I really expect to be swept off my feet but that would be nice.

I'm not dense enough, though, to meet a new friend. I swear there's something wrong with my genetic makeup because I'm attracted to gay guys. And my new gay guy friend is Stephen. He reminds me of my other gay guy friend, who really is more of my gay adoptive parent along with his partner from CLE. Anyway, Stephen and I just clicked and we're planning on picking up a trip together. I worked with him in a Brussels flight and we just had fun.

I'm also practical enough to know that a stranger sweeping me off my feet out of nowhere is very unlikely to happen...not with my skeptical personality. So I joined a free dating website. I met a couple of nice guys (nice so far) and talking (or e-mailing) consistently with 3 correspondants. I've only met two. And I kissed one. Well, he kissed me first and I kissed back. I'll backtrack since this only happened this week.

I had a date with Ernie on Monday and we had dinner and we played at Dave and Buster's afterward. He's a nice guy although I'm not sure I can offer him more than friendship. He just seem to be in a different position in life than I do (settling down type and all) and I'm not physically attracted to him, though he's not really bad looking. Just not my type I guess. But I want to give him a chance just to see. So I'm still talking to him.

Then there's Casey. We had an all day date on Tuesday. I drove to his house early in the morning, I got there at 8am. We went to a disc golf course and he taught me how to disc golf. I was horrible, of course, but I already knew that would happen. We then got back to his house and got changed. We went kayaking, that was fun. Then, we had lunch and went straight to the beach. We went to the water and he carried me because, well, he's 6'5" and I'm 5'1". So he carried me until the water was on his chest level and would jump on the waves. And then we made out. Waves crashed us a few times and we had to break the tongue sword fight before we resumed. We laid out in the sun for a few minutes before we headed back to his house to clean up. I took a shower while he watered the plants. After we setteled in, we watched a baseball game...and then, we made out some more. Now here's why I think there's something wrong with my brain. While this was happening, my logic was still working. I was deliberating when I would put a stop to it, because virgin as I am, I'm not naive. I know what 'boys' are after. So when he started lifting my tank top, that was when I said that I wasn't ready. He said that it was fine. I never doubted that he would stop, when I said stop, especially since technically that was our only second date even though we've been talking for months now. So I sat next to him. He said that I was a good kisser, which was a surprise. I must've been a natural because he was technically my first kiss (I know, for a flight attendant I sure am far from slut...I really am breaking the stereotype) but I would never say that out loud...at least not to him. I haven't decided if I want to tell one of my girl friends yet. Nor have I decided if I want to keep him. Because even though there are activities that we could do together, and there's some physical attraction (but not strong enough for me to think about him all the time, that and I didn't see fireworks when we kissed), there were a lot of silent gaps in our talking. Now, I don't mind silence. I'm comortable with silence. But our conversations didn't really have fa low. Like we had to think hard of what we could talk about. So I don't know if that would get any better. Since we've decided before parting that we're taking it slow (hence, I still have a profile up), I have time between our e-mail exchanges if I would keep him. Sigh. I'm not much for kissing a lot of frogs to find a prince because I don't believe that kind of prince exist anyway, and I'm not a dater so I can see me getting really wary about this whole process. One of my greatest strengths and weakneses is that I move on easily and quickly. I dwell, sometimes I cry, for a day then realize it was ridiculous and then I move on. I get impatient even with dealing with things that I'll just figure it's not worth my time and then move on. I have issues.

My third guy, Anthony, is a cop. I haven't met him yet although we've been corresponding for couple of months now. He seems nice so I'll save my judgements (more of judgement of me than him really) when I meet him. Although I'm not one for men in uniform, I'll save my biased for later when I meet and get to know him personally. This is such a long process.

Outside my romantic (or lack thereof) life, my younger brother and sister and I went wall rock climbing on Thursday and became members. I also got my chinese visa that day for my vacation with my cousin to Beijing in October. The last few months I finished reading The Other Boleyn Girl, Water for Elephants, anoter David Baldacci book that I can't remember the title at the moment, Twilight, New Moon, and I'm currently reading Eclipse (The last three are the Stephanie Meyer series). Come November, I'll be starting my MBA in University of Phoenix. I'll be doing everything online so I can have some mental exercise. Since my personal life is having such little progress (at least there are some progress, little as it may be) I figured I'd do something productive at least.

I'll be 26 this month. And what have I learned in that 26 years? A lot of things. And how many in that learned things are from personal experience? Next to nothing. I really am my personal challenge.

Whirlwind life of nothingness

I got sent to Barcelona on the tail end of January. That was fun. I took the subway to the port and walked the street that looked like a fair and went to the market. It really was beautiful over there.

After the trip, I was on call for one day then I went home. My younger brother was preparing to go back to Iraq so I spent some time with him. I also got addicted to Rock Band. They bought the game in January when I was about to leave so I missed out. The result: I made up for lost times and played it everyday when I got there. And I didn't even have rhythm! But alas! My perseverance paid off and I could actually finish songs in guitar and drums by the time I left to go to work.

Couple of nights prior to my younger brother's leaving, the family went out for dinner. My dad was gone for a month attending high school reunion and finishing some business in our home country. The next night, my brother had a little shindig at the house with some of his friends. During the day he was out to Disneyland with the girl he was dating. Imagine our amusement when my mom walked down early in the morning to go to work and my younger brother had another girl in his arms (the girl he was dating went home around 10pm)! I brought my mom to work and my younger brother to the airport who was half-drunk (I think he made it to the plane). Later that day, my eldest brother said that the girl that apparently my younge brother was making out with was his ex-girlfriend! Talk about straight from the teen soap!

The following day was my friend's birthday and we met up at her and her husband's condo. We were playing guitar hero while we were waiting for the others to arrive. They were surprised that I was relatively good on easy mode (the practices paid off!). When everybody was accounted for, we all went out to Applebee's. We then went back to her place after dinner and hung out. We didn't leave until 3am, while our other friend stayed over for the night because she was going to be the house and pet sitter for our birthday girl while the couple go to Big Bear for the weekend to snowboard. I went back to hang out with my friend the next day who didn't really sleep that much and we watched a couple of anime movies. She fell asleep while I was watching Spirited Away.

So I left after watching the movie and locked the door behind me. I went to my cousin's around 10pm because we would watch the last full show of 27 Dresses. Yup, I was definitely a movie junkie that day. 27 Dresses was ok. It had funny moments but it was predictable as to most romantic movies. But once in a while I need some chick flick to keep my femininity intact because I've been hanging out with my brothers (and a sister) and when I watch movies in the east coast, it's usually with my guy friend so it was not bound to be a chick flick.

So I left home on a Saturday, I think it was the 9th, on a red eye. I picked up a trip that day so I left for Madrid on the 10th. Madrid was really beautiful but you have to take the tour bus to appreciate its architecture and light. Walking around won't let you see how beautiful the city really was. I came back on the 12th and rested for a bit. Then on the 13th, I was able to do and file my taxes, mainly because I had nothing else better to do and because I need money so I need to get my tax returns. I was also up all night chatting with my friend (I think we were chatting the night before too) until 2am and then I finally decided to go to bed.

It was snowing the past couple of days but today is a pretty day. The sun is out and the snow are pretty much melted. It's supposed to rain tomorrow, though. Anyway, I think I'll continue knitting because I'm really behind with this project...oh, the whirlwind life of nothingness...

Somewhat better now

I was sent to Milan on the 26th and was able to meet up with my high school friends. DB and DI went there well over 4 years ago with their respective families. I haven't seen them in 10 years! So we were able to go to the night mass and had dinner that night. I didn't get back to my hotel room until almost 11pm. During the day, one of the ladies I worked with was able to explore with me. We went to Duomo (thank goodness she was good at directions and trains) and we went to see the castle. We left the hotel at around 1pm (we got there at around 9:30am) and we barely slept when we went out. We went to grocery store afterward and got back at the hotel around 5pm and I met with my friends 20mins. after that.

More goodwill:
http://www.kiva.com/ is a site designed to lend loans to enterprenuers of poverty stricken country. Loans could be as low as $25 and the rewards are priceless.

Anyway, when I went home to see my family last weekend, I left one of my tote bags at my parents' house and brought my backpack instead so I can start training for my big spring hike. When I was transferring stuff from bag to bag, I found this poem that I wrote when I was jumpseating to go home last year. It was dated January 25, 2007:

In my mind, the time stands still with no comprehension of the buzzing and bustling around me. Thousands of feet above the earth, as I swim along the clouds, I find myself disconnected from everything, including my body. As I try to wake my senses and instill memories to my oxygen-deprived brain, I notice that with a dettached being comes the numbness of my heart. How I long to be free from the jail cell of my own spirit; how I long to escape the greyness of my soul. Yet the comfort of who I am always wins over the dream of who I've always wanted to be.

*

Wow, I must've been in serious funk when I wrote that. But I'd like to think that I'm somewhat better now.

Charity Works

On to charity works...

For the videomakers, there's a contest to put up a video in youtube pertaining world hunger:

http://www.youtube.com/hungerbytes

And word games to accumulate rice:

http://freerice.com/

Have a tree planted as a gift or as a memory:

http://www.arborday.org/index.cfm

Would I look back in my life and regret it?

Well, I got some of my memory relapse back so here it goes:

I met up with some of my friends from the bay at NYC because they were spending new year's there. We went ice skating and watched a play (sort of) called Fuerza Bruta. It was a really good play.

Last weekend (the 4th), I went to the bay area to visit the same friends and then some. We watch 'Atonement' which was suprisingly really good and so sad. D.A.L. turned 21 on Christmas day so she celebrated it on the 5th (saturday). It was a wholata drama with S.V.T. for the reasons unbeknownst to people but M.C.V. and I were caught in the middle because we ended up being the mediators of some sort. They called us instead of each other to relay informations. Anyhow, long story short, S.V.T. got uninvited to the party. The bday girl wanted a formal dinner so we went to a restaurant that has the view of the bay in cocktail dresses, heels, coats and ties. Food was good and it was fun. After the dinner, some of us stayed at the hotel nearby and played drinking game. Long story short, bday girl got drunk and could not remember half of the things that happened that night...but I got pictures ;)

We had breakfast then we checked out at noon. We drove out to meet for lunch but we got lost for like half an hour or so before we were able to find our way. After lunch, I met up with S.V.T. and we went wall rock climbing. C.P.T. couldn't make it because he was too tired. That night I caught a red eye back to my home base.

Monday was rest day and thank goodness! My arms were so sore from rock climbing because I hadn't done it in a while. It was fun, though I had to take aleve twice.

I only worked once since. I went to Manchester, UK on Wednesday. That was eneventful. On the flight back there were a couple of passengers asking what there was to do in NYC at night. I told them I couldn't help them because I'm not a night life kind of person. They were shocked. They even looked at my hands to see if I was engaged or married. I told them that I'm an outdoors person - hiking, kayaking, etc. - and not life is not something I indulge very often. Guess I'm really weird.

Anyway, I started learning French via my roommate's Rosetta Stone and learning to knit after my trip. I'm making (or trying) table runner for my mom for mother's day. I figured 4 months would be enough to have it finished because I know I'll make mistakes and will be so slow. I know (well, a little) crochet and I finished my friend's scarf last week that I would give to her bday next month along with a white wine that I bought in Portugal.

I'm nervous. This is another year and the pressure of personal success is becoming more paramount and I could only pretend to know what I'm doing for so long. In the end, would I look back at my life and regret it?

I've been truly happy

Well it's been a while since I've written here because I forgot my username/email so let's see what I can remember.

First off, I wasn't able to come home for Christmas even though I had Christmas off because scheduling won't release me on the 24th because apparently we were short staffed but they still didn't use me. So I couldn't fly to back to make it to the Christmas Eve dinner and the Wii tournament that my cousin was hosting. Well, my friend who lives in the front building crashpad couldn't make it home to her house either even though she was released already because her flight for home got weight restricted. So since misery loves company, we ended up eating at Applebee's because that's the only one open for dinner. We called it a night at 8pm. But having a big family somewhat paid off because I have cousins near where I lived that I never knew about and I was able to have lunch with them on Christmas day.

I also didn't make it to the city with my friends for the New Year's Eve countdown because I was stuck in the airport for the AA meeting (gah, airport appreciation???) and my shift ended at 11:30pm. Ewe.

So, old new year's goals are still not complete with exception of traveling. I still have snow boarding, scuba diving, bunjee jumping and sky diving on the list. I guess I'll try to make some progress on those this year. But I added 2 goals this year: learning to knit and speak french. I've started on both so we'll see at the the end of the year how well I did with all these goals. Or if I even get a boyfriend. Sigh.

I'm going home next weekend and my younger brother would be coming home also from Iraq for vacation so that should be fun.

Anyway, time flies so fast and I don't really want to play catch up. But I know someday life will catch me head on and I just have to brace my self from the whirl wind that it would do to my life. Maybe then I can say that I've been truly happy.

I still don't know

I feel like I'm just floating...waiting...for what? I still don't know.