My personal challenge

I know it's been a while since I've last written something. It's mainly because I don't think there were anything exciting to write or development in my boring life. That and because I've been lazy in writing. Sure, people think that because I'm a flight attendant my life must be more interesting. I get to see different parts of the world and meet different people. Wrong. At least the latter part of it. The former part is true enough but once I've seen the most beautiful parts of the world, I've been complacent or indifferent. Not that I'm not appreciative, I love my job after all. But I guess I'm less excited and appreciative of places when I've seen something better.

Anyway, on the people part, I don't really meet more people than an average person. If anything, I meet even less. I blame my job for parts of it. I'm never in the same place long enough and often enough for me to meet people. And on my days off, I go to my parents' house and hang out mostly with my brothers and sister. I hang out with my friends sometimes when they're available. But considering we're all grown up (ugh!) and have separate lives, we don't see each other everytime I visit. We see each other usually every other month or so. And if I have my memory right, which I think I do, I'm the only single one. The odd woman out. With the exception of our new comer to the group, Jos. Not that I dwell on my being single...ok I do dwell on my being single once in a while but never out loud. And mainly at times when I have nothing to do and no one to drag with me. I don't let myself be sucked with the happily ever after scenario much. I already know that I'll be fine becoming an old maid so long that I fall in love at least once though it's far from happening the way how things are going with my life right now.

So the major reason why I meet even less people than an average person is because of my personality. I can be very dense and oblivious at times. It might be because I generally don't pay attention (or care) about the people I don't know. Oh, I can be very observant and usually hit the mark on what people are thinking and what they're upto if I put effort to it. But I usually don't. I guess I can be a hopeless romantic because I would think sometimes that I really shouldn't pay that much attention and look for love. It should come unexpectedly. Not that I really expect to be swept off my feet but that would be nice.

I'm not dense enough, though, to meet a new friend. I swear there's something wrong with my genetic makeup because I'm attracted to gay guys. And my new gay guy friend is Stephen. He reminds me of my other gay guy friend, who really is more of my gay adoptive parent along with his partner from CLE. Anyway, Stephen and I just clicked and we're planning on picking up a trip together. I worked with him in a Brussels flight and we just had fun.

I'm also practical enough to know that a stranger sweeping me off my feet out of nowhere is very unlikely to happen...not with my skeptical personality. So I joined a free dating website. I met a couple of nice guys (nice so far) and talking (or e-mailing) consistently with 3 correspondants. I've only met two. And I kissed one. Well, he kissed me first and I kissed back. I'll backtrack since this only happened this week.

I had a date with Ernie on Monday and we had dinner and we played at Dave and Buster's afterward. He's a nice guy although I'm not sure I can offer him more than friendship. He just seem to be in a different position in life than I do (settling down type and all) and I'm not physically attracted to him, though he's not really bad looking. Just not my type I guess. But I want to give him a chance just to see. So I'm still talking to him.

Then there's Casey. We had an all day date on Tuesday. I drove to his house early in the morning, I got there at 8am. We went to a disc golf course and he taught me how to disc golf. I was horrible, of course, but I already knew that would happen. We then got back to his house and got changed. We went kayaking, that was fun. Then, we had lunch and went straight to the beach. We went to the water and he carried me because, well, he's 6'5" and I'm 5'1". So he carried me until the water was on his chest level and would jump on the waves. And then we made out. Waves crashed us a few times and we had to break the tongue sword fight before we resumed. We laid out in the sun for a few minutes before we headed back to his house to clean up. I took a shower while he watered the plants. After we setteled in, we watched a baseball game...and then, we made out some more. Now here's why I think there's something wrong with my brain. While this was happening, my logic was still working. I was deliberating when I would put a stop to it, because virgin as I am, I'm not naive. I know what 'boys' are after. So when he started lifting my tank top, that was when I said that I wasn't ready. He said that it was fine. I never doubted that he would stop, when I said stop, especially since technically that was our only second date even though we've been talking for months now. So I sat next to him. He said that I was a good kisser, which was a surprise. I must've been a natural because he was technically my first kiss (I know, for a flight attendant I sure am far from slut...I really am breaking the stereotype) but I would never say that out loud...at least not to him. I haven't decided if I want to tell one of my girl friends yet. Nor have I decided if I want to keep him. Because even though there are activities that we could do together, and there's some physical attraction (but not strong enough for me to think about him all the time, that and I didn't see fireworks when we kissed), there were a lot of silent gaps in our talking. Now, I don't mind silence. I'm comortable with silence. But our conversations didn't really have fa low. Like we had to think hard of what we could talk about. So I don't know if that would get any better. Since we've decided before parting that we're taking it slow (hence, I still have a profile up), I have time between our e-mail exchanges if I would keep him. Sigh. I'm not much for kissing a lot of frogs to find a prince because I don't believe that kind of prince exist anyway, and I'm not a dater so I can see me getting really wary about this whole process. One of my greatest strengths and weakneses is that I move on easily and quickly. I dwell, sometimes I cry, for a day then realize it was ridiculous and then I move on. I get impatient even with dealing with things that I'll just figure it's not worth my time and then move on. I have issues.

My third guy, Anthony, is a cop. I haven't met him yet although we've been corresponding for couple of months now. He seems nice so I'll save my judgements (more of judgement of me than him really) when I meet him. Although I'm not one for men in uniform, I'll save my biased for later when I meet and get to know him personally. This is such a long process.

Outside my romantic (or lack thereof) life, my younger brother and sister and I went wall rock climbing on Thursday and became members. I also got my chinese visa that day for my vacation with my cousin to Beijing in October. The last few months I finished reading The Other Boleyn Girl, Water for Elephants, anoter David Baldacci book that I can't remember the title at the moment, Twilight, New Moon, and I'm currently reading Eclipse (The last three are the Stephanie Meyer series). Come November, I'll be starting my MBA in University of Phoenix. I'll be doing everything online so I can have some mental exercise. Since my personal life is having such little progress (at least there are some progress, little as it may be) I figured I'd do something productive at least.

I'll be 26 this month. And what have I learned in that 26 years? A lot of things. And how many in that learned things are from personal experience? Next to nothing. I really am my personal challenge.