OzEaN's ViEw

My personal challenge

2008-08-02T10:33:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've last written something. It's mainly because I don't think there were anything exciting to write or development in my boring life. That and because I've been lazy in writing. Sure, people think that because I'm a flight attendant my life must be more interesting. I get to see different parts of the world and meet different people. Wrong. At least the latter part of it. The former part is true enough but once I've seen the most beautiful parts of the world, I've been complacent or indifferent. Not that I'm not appreciative, I love my job after all. But I guess I'm less excited and appreciative of places when I've seen something better.

Anyway, on the people part, I don't really meet more people than an average person. If anything, I meet even less. I blame my job for parts of it. I'm never in the same place long enough and often enough for me to meet people. And on my days off, I go to my parents' house and hang out mostly with my brothers and sister. I hang out with my friends sometimes when they're available. But considering we're all grown up (ugh!) and have separate lives, we don't see each other everytime I visit. We see each other usually every other month or so. And if I have my memory right, which I think I do, I'm the only single one. The odd woman out. With the exception of our new comer to the group, Jos. Not that I dwell on my being single...ok I do dwell on my being single once in a while but never out loud. And mainly at times when I have nothing to do and no one to drag with me. I don't let myself be sucked with the happily ever after scenario much. I already know that I'll be fine becoming an old maid so long that I fall in love at least once though it's far from happening the way how things are going with my life right now.

So the major reason why I meet even less people than an average person is because of my personality. I can be very dense and oblivious at times. It might be because I generally don't pay attention (or care) about the people I don't know. Oh, I can be very observant and usually hit the mark on what people are thinking and what they're upto if I put effort to it. But I usually don't. I guess I can be a hopeless romantic because I would think sometimes that I really shouldn't pay that much attention and look for love. It should come unexpectedly. Not that I really expect to be swept off my feet but that would be nice.

I'm not dense enough, though, to meet a new friend. I swear there's something wrong with my genetic makeup because I'm attracted to gay guys. And my new gay guy friend is Stephen. He reminds me of my other gay guy friend, who really is more of my gay adoptive parent along with his partner from CLE. Anyway, Stephen and I just clicked and we're planning on picking up a trip together. I worked with him in a Brussels flight and we just had fun.

I'm also practical enough to know that a stranger sweeping me off my feet out of nowhere is very unlikely to happen...not with my skeptical personality. So I joined a free dating website. I met a couple of nice guys (nice so far) and talking (or e-mailing) consistently with 3 correspondants. I've only met two. And I kissed one. Well, he kissed me first and I kissed back. I'll backtrack since this only happened this week.

I had a date with Ernie on Monday and we had dinner and we played at Dave and Buster's afterward. He's a nice guy although I'm not sure I can offer him more than friendship. He just seem to be in a different position in life than I do (settling down type and all) and I'm not physically attracted to him, though he's not really bad looking. Just not my type I guess. But I want to give him a chance just to see. So I'm still talking to him.

Then there's Casey. We had an all day date on Tuesday. I drove to his house early in the morning, I got there at 8am. We went to a disc golf course and he taught me how to disc golf. I was horrible, of course, but I already knew that would happen. We then got back to his house and got changed. We went kayaking, that was fun. Then, we had lunch and went straight to the beach. We went to the water and he carried me because, well, he's 6'5" and I'm 5'1". So he carried me until the water was on his chest level and would jump on the waves. And then we made out. Waves crashed us a few times and we had to break the tongue sword fight before we resumed. We laid out in the sun for a few minutes before we headed back to his house to clean up. I took a shower while he watered the plants. After we setteled in, we watched a baseball game...and then, we made out some more. Now here's why I think there's something wrong with my brain. While this was happening, my logic was still working. I was deliberating when I would put a stop to it, because virgin as I am, I'm not naive. I know what 'boys' are after. So when he started lifting my tank top, that was when I said that I wasn't ready. He said that it was fine. I never doubted that he would stop, when I said stop, especially since technically that was our only second date even though we've been talking for months now. So I sat next to him. He said that I was a good kisser, which was a surprise. I must've been a natural because he was technically my first kiss (I know, for a flight attendant I sure am far from slut...I really am breaking the stereotype) but I would never say that out loud...at least not to him. I haven't decided if I want to tell one of my girl friends yet. Nor have I decided if I want to keep him. Because even though there are activities that we could do together, and there's some physical attraction (but not strong enough for me to think about him all the time, that and I didn't see fireworks when we kissed), there were a lot of silent gaps in our talking. Now, I don't mind silence. I'm comortable with silence. But our conversations didn't really have fa low. Like we had to think hard of what we could talk about. So I don't know if that would get any better. Since we've decided before parting that we're taking it slow (hence, I still have a profile up), I have time between our e-mail exchanges if I would keep him. Sigh. I'm not much for kissing a lot of frogs to find a prince because I don't believe that kind of prince exist anyway, and I'm not a dater so I can see me getting really wary about this whole process. One of my greatest strengths and weakneses is that I move on easily and quickly. I dwell, sometimes I cry, for a day then realize it was ridiculous and then I move on. I get impatient even with dealing with things that I'll just figure it's not worth my time and then move on. I have issues.

My third guy, Anthony, is a cop. I haven't met him yet although we've been corresponding for couple of months now. He seems nice so I'll save my judgements (more of judgement of me than him really) when I meet him. Although I'm not one for men in uniform, I'll save my biased for later when I meet and get to know him personally. This is such a long process.

Outside my romantic (or lack thereof) life, my younger brother and sister and I went wall rock climbing on Thursday and became members. I also got my chinese visa that day for my vacation with my cousin to Beijing in October. The last few months I finished reading The Other Boleyn Girl, Water for Elephants, anoter David Baldacci book that I can't remember the title at the moment, Twilight, New Moon, and I'm currently reading Eclipse (The last three are the Stephanie Meyer series). Come November, I'll be starting my MBA in University of Phoenix. I'll be doing everything online so I can have some mental exercise. Since my personal life is having such little progress (at least there are some progress, little as it may be) I figured I'd do something productive at least.

I'll be 26 this month. And what have I learned in that 26 years? A lot of things. And how many in that learned things are from personal experience? Next to nothing. I really am my personal challenge.

Whirlwind life of nothingness

2008-02-14T09:42:00.001-08:00

I got sent to Barcelona on the tail end of January. That was fun. I took the subway to the port and walked the street that looked like a fair and went to the market. It really was beautiful over there.

After the trip, I was on call for one day then I went home. My younger brother was preparing to go back to Iraq so I spent some time with him. I also got addicted to Rock Band. They bought the game in January when I was about to leave so I missed out. The result: I made up for lost times and played it everyday when I got there. And I didn't even have rhythm! But alas! My perseverance paid off and I could actually finish songs in guitar and drums by the time I left to go to work.

Couple of nights prior to my younger brother's leaving, the family went out for dinner. My dad was gone for a month attending high school reunion and finishing some business in our home country. The next night, my brother had a little shindig at the house with some of his friends. During the day he was out to Disneyland with the girl he was dating. Imagine our amusement when my mom walked down early in the morning to go to work and my younger brother had another girl in his arms (the girl he was dating went home around 10pm)! I brought my mom to work and my younger brother to the airport who was half-drunk (I think he made it to the plane). Later that day, my eldest brother said that the girl that apparently my younge brother was making out with was his ex-girlfriend! Talk about straight from the teen soap!

The following day was my friend's birthday and we met up at her and her husband's condo. We were playing guitar hero while we were waiting for the others to arrive. They were surprised that I was relatively good on easy mode (the practices paid off!). When everybody was accounted for, we all went out to Applebee's. We then went back to her place after dinner and hung out. We didn't leave until 3am, while our other friend stayed over for the night because she was going to be the house and pet sitter for our birthday girl while the couple go to Big Bear for the weekend to snowboard. I went back to hang out with my friend the next day who didn't really sleep that much and we watched a couple of anime movies. She fell asleep while I was watching Spirited Away.

So I left after watching the movie and locked the door behind me. I went to my cousin's around 10pm because we would watch the last full show of 27 Dresses. Yup, I was definitely a movie junkie that day. 27 Dresses was ok. It had funny moments but it was predictable as to most romantic movies. But once in a while I need some chick flick to keep my femininity intact because I've been hanging out with my brothers (and a sister) and when I watch movies in the east coast, it's usually with my guy friend so it was not bound to be a chick flick.

So I left home on a Saturday, I think it was the 9th, on a red eye. I picked up a trip that day so I left for Madrid on the 10th. Madrid was really beautiful but you have to take the tour bus to appreciate its architecture and light. Walking around won't let you see how beautiful the city really was. I came back on the 12th and rested for a bit. Then on the 13th, I was able to do and file my taxes, mainly because I had nothing else better to do and because I need money so I need to get my tax returns. I was also up all night chatting with my friend (I think we were chatting the night before too) until 2am and then I finally decided to go to bed.

It was snowing the past couple of days but today is a pretty day. The sun is out and the snow are pretty much melted. It's supposed to rain tomorrow, though. Anyway, I think I'll continue knitting because I'm really behind with this project...oh, the whirlwind life of nothingness...

Somewhat better now

2008-01-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

I was sent to Milan on the 26th and was able to meet up with my high school friends. DB and DI went there well over 4 years ago with their respective families. I haven't seen them in 10 years! So we were able to go to the night mass and had dinner that night. I didn't get back to my hotel room until almost 11pm. During the day, one of the ladies I worked with was able to explore with me. We went to Duomo (thank goodness she was good at directions and trains) and we went to see the castle. We left the hotel at around 1pm (we got there at around 9:30am) and we barely slept when we went out. We went to grocery store afterward and got back at the hotel around 5pm and I met with my friends 20mins. after that.

More goodwill:
http://www.kiva.com/ is a site designed to lend loans to enterprenuers of poverty stricken country. Loans could be as low as $25 and the rewards are priceless.

Anyway, when I went home to see my family last weekend, I left one of my tote bags at my parents' house and brought my backpack instead so I can start training for my big spring hike. When I was transferring stuff from bag to bag, I found this poem that I wrote when I was jumpseating to go home last year. It was dated January 25, 2007:

In my mind, the time stands still with no comprehension of the buzzing and bustling around me. Thousands of feet above the earth, as I swim along the clouds, I find myself disconnected from everything, including my body. As I try to wake my senses and instill memories to my oxygen-deprived brain, I notice that with a dettached being comes the numbness of my heart. How I long to be free from the jail cell of my own spirit; how I long to escape the greyness of my soul. Yet the comfort of who I am always wins over the dream of who I've always wanted to be.

*

Wow, I must've been in serious funk when I wrote that. But I'd like to think that I'm somewhat better now.

Charity Works

2008-01-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

On to charity works...

For the videomakers, there's a contest to put up a video in youtube pertaining world hunger:

http://www.youtube.com/hungerbytes

And word games to accumulate rice:

http://freerice.com/

Have a tree planted as a gift or as a memory:

http://www.arborday.org/index.cfm

Would I look back in my life and regret it?

2008-01-14T08:38:00.000-08:00

Well, I got some of my memory relapse back so here it goes:

I met up with some of my friends from the bay at NYC because they were spending new year's there. We went ice skating and watched a play (sort of) called Fuerza Bruta. It was a really good play.

Last weekend (the 4th), I went to the bay area to visit the same friends and then some. We watch 'Atonement' which was suprisingly really good and so sad. D.A.L. turned 21 on Christmas day so she celebrated it on the 5th (saturday). It was a wholata drama with S.V.T. for the reasons unbeknownst to people but M.C.V. and I were caught in the middle because we ended up being the mediators of some sort. They called us instead of each other to relay informations. Anyhow, long story short, S.V.T. got uninvited to the party. The bday girl wanted a formal dinner so we went to a restaurant that has the view of the bay in cocktail dresses, heels, coats and ties. Food was good and it was fun. After the dinner, some of us stayed at the hotel nearby and played drinking game. Long story short, bday girl got drunk and could not remember half of the things that happened that night...but I got pictures ;)

We had breakfast then we checked out at noon. We drove out to meet for lunch but we got lost for like half an hour or so before we were able to find our way. After lunch, I met up with S.V.T. and we went wall rock climbing. C.P.T. couldn't make it because he was too tired. That night I caught a red eye back to my home base.

Monday was rest day and thank goodness! My arms were so sore from rock climbing because I hadn't done it in a while. It was fun, though I had to take aleve twice.

I only worked once since. I went to Manchester, UK on Wednesday. That was eneventful. On the flight back there were a couple of passengers asking what there was to do in NYC at night. I told them I couldn't help them because I'm not a night life kind of person. They were shocked. They even looked at my hands to see if I was engaged or married. I told them that I'm an outdoors person - hiking, kayaking, etc. - and not life is not something I indulge very often. Guess I'm really weird.

Anyway, I started learning French via my roommate's Rosetta Stone and learning to knit after my trip. I'm making (or trying) table runner for my mom for mother's day. I figured 4 months would be enough to have it finished because I know I'll make mistakes and will be so slow. I know (well, a little) crochet and I finished my friend's scarf last week that I would give to her bday next month along with a white wine that I bought in Portugal.

I'm nervous. This is another year and the pressure of personal success is becoming more paramount and I could only pretend to know what I'm doing for so long. In the end, would I look back at my life and regret it?

I've been truly happy

2008-01-12T21:01:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a while since I've written here because I forgot my username/email so let's see what I can remember.

First off, I wasn't able to come home for Christmas even though I had Christmas off because scheduling won't release me on the 24th because apparently we were short staffed but they still didn't use me. So I couldn't fly to back to make it to the Christmas Eve dinner and the Wii tournament that my cousin was hosting. Well, my friend who lives in the front building crashpad couldn't make it home to her house either even though she was released already because her flight for home got weight restricted. So since misery loves company, we ended up eating at Applebee's because that's the only one open for dinner. We called it a night at 8pm. But having a big family somewhat paid off because I have cousins near where I lived that I never knew about and I was able to have lunch with them on Christmas day.

I also didn't make it to the city with my friends for the New Year's Eve countdown because I was stuck in the airport for the AA meeting (gah, airport appreciation???) and my shift ended at 11:30pm. Ewe.

So, old new year's goals are still not complete with exception of traveling. I still have snow boarding, scuba diving, bunjee jumping and sky diving on the list. I guess I'll try to make some progress on those this year. But I added 2 goals this year: learning to knit and speak french. I've started on both so we'll see at the the end of the year how well I did with all these goals. Or if I even get a boyfriend. Sigh.

I'm going home next weekend and my younger brother would be coming home also from Iraq for vacation so that should be fun.

Anyway, time flies so fast and I don't really want to play catch up. But I know someday life will catch me head on and I just have to brace my self from the whirl wind that it would do to my life. Maybe then I can say that I've been truly happy.

I still don't know

2007-09-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm just floating...waiting...for what? I still don't know.

sucks

2007-05-16T09:24:00.001-07:00

My social life sucks!

more than complete

2007-04-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

Nobody wants to be lonely...
Nobody wants to feel empty...
Yet these feelings are constant companion...
For most...
Including me...
How could it be...
That chasing happiness...
Can make someone restless...
The thoughts that are incomplete...
Rely for somebody else...
To make them more than complete...

Didn't feel like home anymore

2007-04-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I'll go backwards from more recent memories. I was supposed to see my friends on Thursday but they cancelled it so instead, I got a hair cut and stopped by at my former job. I spent time with my family for the most part. My younger brother got news a couple months ago that he was going to be sent in Iraq. We are all worried, especially my parents. He found out this month that he would go to training in May then be deployed in June. Hopefully he would be ok.

March was uneventful for me, with the exception of being called by my supervisor because I called-in-sick for four days and it was between my vacation and my days off. To get off the hook - I still had my sick-call-after-assignment record from June last year (it clears this coming June) and my mistrip from December - so I had to ask my friend to plagiarize a doctor's note for me. Well, I really did get sick but I didn't go to the doctor and I didn't know that I needed a note so...

I have a new obsession! I still watch Dancing With The Stars but I'm not as into it as I used to be. My new fanatic focus now is CSI Miami! I like all CSI (Vegas/NY/Miami/Navy) but Miami is by far my favorite. Anyway, my fanatic mechanism is kicking in so hopefully I don't go in frenzy and buy all DVDs at once because, well, I can't afford it. So I'll wait a little bit and see. Season 5 is almost over so there's more for me to do marathon on.

In February, I went back to my hometown for a two-week vacation. We only stayed in that town for a few days but it was weird being back there after all those years. I've been gone for almost 9 years and there were so many things that changed, and so many things that remained the same. I used to think that the house I grew up in was big and strong, a shelter that was both protective and comforting. Although the house was still familiar enough that I could walk around the house blindfolded, it didn't have the aura it used to have. Instead, I saw a house that was weak and neglected. An aged house deteriorating over time. My aunt and cousins live there now but I still believe that someday my grandparents' house will be resurrected again it will have the same brilliance and life that it used to have.

The town itself had been a surprise for me. The streets seemed narrower from when I was playing with my friends when I was growing up, although the roads were never reconstructed. My childhood bestfriend's house seemed closer from the time when I used to run to her house to play. The small, intimate town still have the familiar faces...but the strangers that moved in from different parts of the country flooded more so than acquaintances. I've always thought the my hometown and my grandparents' house would bring me the same joy and warmth that I used to feel when I was coming home from school, should I ever go back there. But to my saddened surprise, it didn't feel like home anymore...

On the process

2007-01-26T20:48:00.000-08:00

Is it me? Am I creating a bad karma towards others or is it the other way around? Why do I have a heavy feeling, an unidentified emotion that seeps in my heart and lingers for a long time? An unexpress sadness, guilt...worry, perhaps? Why with all the life changes I've taken and all the places I've seen so far, despite the smiling moments, gathered natural laughter and funny wits, I am still not truly happy? Have I just changed location and inside I haven't really changed? While sometimes I find myself content, why are there times that I'm restless and could not sleep? Is there something missing? Am I looking for something that is impossible to reach? Or is it because I myself am not reaching for it? Why is the beginning of my year bringing unexpected chaos, no matter how insignificant these were compared to other people's problems? Am I or am I not cut out to the life I chose? Should I let myself be drifted without protest in the series of unknown twists and turns of what's ahead of me? Or should I struggle and focus, trying to make sense of things...of me? How can I be so sure of myself and be utterly confused at the same time? Why do I want to be stable and free at the same time? Can it even be done? There's so much confusion in my heart and in my mind that I don't even know how to express it. I don't even know how to confess it to my friends or if I should at all. I have an urge to scream, to release the pent up pollution of hopeless logic in my mind and the shady emotion of my heart. I wish I know what to do...

*~*~
When former roommate - who also happen to be a drunken, pain-in-the-@ $$ one - give a phone call with the responsibilities that was supposed to be hers, thickening the skin is a must. I am learning slowly but surely in this job how to do just that. Although my expertise is being indifferent, I find that having a thick skin when it comes to certain things is becoming a big part of my personality even though I still over think some issues...I just hope that I don't lose my compassion toward people on the process.

Amuse myself

2007-01-23T11:13:00.000-08:00

Time goes by sooooooo fast! I was able to pick up a trip that had layover in cleveland on dec. 23rd and home on christmas eve so i got to go to my friend's christmas dinner in cleveland and the christmas party back home. The down side of it was that my van time for christmas day was 6am so i basically didn't have sleep on christmas day and i did 4 flights that day! It's all worth it, though. On new year's eve, scheduling gave me a day break, which basically means day off so I was able to joing my friends from Hayward who went to NY for new year's eve. We went to Diggs' condo which was amazing. I never knew there was a refrigerator that has internet, video and tv on it! We went to bar/lounge after the countdown. I got back to my crashpad at almost 4am. I worked that afternoon.

With L.O., I think I'm over him. I don't think of him much really since the new year began. This is what scares me on getting into relationship, I get bored or tired of things easily...I move on quickly.

Anyway, the new year has brought a whole bunch of unexpected crashpad haunting. My roommates decided to all move out without enough notice so I have to move next door temporarily because one of the flight attendant there is on medical leave. I found a place to move though for the next month. It's just so hectic and stressing, especially financially.

Speaking of finance, I'm trying to save for next month - which is extremely hard considering how low my paycheck is and the bills that seems to accumulate everyday - because I'm going on vacation, at least trying to go on vacation. I have a week of vacation next month and if I can move my days off in front of it, I will be in good shape.

Winter's finally here. There were flurries last night and the temperature has been consistently in the 30's (degrees). Flurries are fine as long as it doesn't full on snow...and temperature is ok as long as it's not windy!

Well, I'm sitting airport alert right now, and the month has been slow so I don't know if I'll get used. Either way, I know I can find something to amuse myself.

A bit less boring

2006-12-17T12:51:00.000-08:00

Well, what's been going on? First things first, I'm not talking to "the chef" anymore. I kind of got turned off when he accidentally said 'i love you' on the voicemail he left me which sounds desperate to me even though i have a feeling that he just ran out of things to say...but still...and i think i scared him off, but whatever...i'm not really into him.

On the other note, i have a new prospect...another flight attendant. L.O. is really nice and he's a good cook too! Gotta love a guy who can cook :) He's 7 years older than me which caught me off guard because he looks so much younger. We met at a thanksgiving dinner that mutual friends (both flight attendants) hosted but I think we worked together before because he looked so familiar then and he even said the same. But with 9,000 flight attendants in the company, who could keep track? Anyway, he offered to give me a ride back to my crashpad, he even opened the passenger side car door to let me in. He's such a gentleman. Then on 12/14 he invited me along with other flight attendant friends to his house for dinner. I had to work until 8pm but he and our other guy friend picked me up at the airport. I was surprised of how good of a cook he was, he even gave us parting gifts of "to go" food :) After dinner, we walked his housemate's dog around the block and we talked a bit. I found it kind of funny and adorable how he made sure I know that he wasn't gay because his two housemates were. When we got back, he taught me how to play darts. I must say I did improve from hitting the wall to actually hitting the board. At around 11pm, he drove me back to my crashpad. The goodbye was kind of hasty because a pilot whose crashpad was in the same floor as mine was holding the elevator for me but we did manage a hug and he pecked me on my cheek. If only he would ask me out already!

Anyway, between my daydreaming, trips, and figuring out if i will be watching a tour show of dancing with the stars or not...life has been if not exciting, at least a bit less boring...

book

2006-11-18T19:36:00.000-08:00

I haven't been flying lately, just did a couple of airport alerts and I was on call today and scheduled to be on call tomorrow. I've also been following Dancing With The Stars, I even voted. I've been a fan of Cheryl Burke and spent a lot of time looking information of her in the net and youtube. But like so many fanatic things I've done in the past, I know this one will pass, too. I was a huge fan of the show JAG and joined a lot of message boards and mailing lists when it was on. Soon, my fanatic mode for the show passed and I didn't even watch the series finale. I also became a Shania Twain fan and after a couple of months, that too, passed. I guess I just get tired of things easily.

Anyway, tonight the guy that I'm talking to back home, "The Chef" serenaded me with a few songs over the phone. Awww....and we haven't even had our first date yet cause whenever I was home our schedule clashed. Anyway, hopefully I'll have more entertainment tomorrow since I've virtually read most of Cheryl Burke's articles and watched most videos (so I think the phase of this fan would pass soon enough)...I think I'll just pick up a book...

Inspiration

2006-11-02T09:57:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm in my blah stage. I'm not sad, I'm not happy. I enjoy going to different places but I can't help but to feel lonely sometimes. I'm away from my family most of the time, I'm broke most of the time, and it's not as if I'm actually looking for a boyfriend. There's this guy I'm talking to right now back home but I'm not into him, even though he's a great singer and a chef to boot! On top of that, I might actually have to relocate here at my base because there's a possibily that I'll be holding a line by summer/end of next year, which means Cleveland is out of the picture. And I like Cleveland :( But I also like the flying out of my base right now. I wish I have an inspiration...

Airport Updates

2006-09-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

Updates on airport security checks:

The Department of Homeland Security said today that, effective Tuesday, Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents will allow small amounts of certain liquids and gels to pass through airport security checkpoints.

“Travelers will be allowed to carry travel-size toiletries (3 ounce or less) that fit comfortably in ONE quart-size, clear plastic, zip-top bag through security checkpoints,” a TSA news release said. “Travelers may also bring items, including beverages, purchased in the secure, boarding area on-board the aircraft.”

http://www.geocities.com/ooozymandiaz/Online.html?1156378986734

Move on

2006-09-17T20:13:00.000-07:00

Moved in to my new crashpad. So far it's ok...I mean, wherever I go it'll be almost the same anywy...a crashpad is what it is, literally a pad just to crash in between flights. I haven't met all of my roommates yet because some of them are on trips. I didn't realize how much stuff I've got until I started moving...and do I have stuff! I rented a car to move...on hand I was glad because I had so much stuff with me, plus I had to move my fish and plant. On the other hand, it costed me money. But I guess it was fine...I'm still in financial roller coaster but I'll get out of it eventually once I get a steadier income.

I guess J.R. is out of the picture now. I haven't really talked to him in a month with exception of a couple of text messages that we exchanged. It's for the best, I guess, since our schedules contradict so much. I don't even miss him really nor am I disappointed because we really didn't have the chance to get to know each other. I guess I am more sad than anything because I did like what I know of him and wish that I could've gotten to know him more. But that's life, isn't it? You make do of what you have, and what you don't have you either work hard to get it or you just shrug it off and move on...

http://www.geocities.com/ooozymandiaz/Online.html?1156378986734

Broke

2006-09-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

I should really start doing something else. I've been on my butt for 3 days because I've been lazy. Granted I worked yesterday with a 5:30am check-in but I was back by 1pm in my crashpad (it was a short turn), checked e-mails for an hour, went to take a nap for a couple of hours and then flop in front of tv with the girls to watch VMA and went to bed at midnight. I didn't even get up until 11am although I heard my roommate's phone rang early this morning. She was called to work by scheduling. Anyhow, I know they'll have me work tomorrow. In any case, I've been in front of computer for three hours now. I should get something to eat. Gosh I'm bored and broke.

Better

2006-08-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

After I went home for my birthday, I was on a 4-day trip assignment then I went straight to San Francisco to backpack hiking. We were up in Yosemite for 2 days, camped for a night. We went on top of half dome - amazing view! We were back on bay area by Monday morning. In the afternoon, we watched "Accepted" - funny movie! - then went to dinner. My friends surprised me with an ice cream cake for a late birthday blow. I love those guys. Now I'm back in my crashpad and still sore. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow for my trip.

Boredom

2006-08-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

I've been sitting on my butt all day!

visit: http://www.geocities.com/ooozymandiaz/Online.html?1156378986734

Ahh...The Beauty of Boredom.

Travel Tips

2006-08-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

From Transportation Security Administration (TSA), the following are guidelines of Prohibited and Exception Items for flight baggage. For more information, visit http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/new-items.shtm
Prohibited Items
Travel Tips to be Prepared for Enhanced Security

Due to enhanced security measures most liquids, gels, lotions and other items of similar consistency will not be permitted in carry-on baggage. These types of items must be packed in your checked baggage.
Liquids, gels and lotions can be purchased beyond the checkpoint but must be disposed of before boarding the aircraft.
Exceptions: Baby formula and breast milk if a baby or small child is traveling; prescription medicine with a name that matches the passenger’s ticket; up to 8 oz. of liquid or gel low blood sugar treatment and up to 4 oz. of non-prescription liquid medications.
While we can not provide an exhaustive list of items, below are some of the most common items now prohibited. Please note, if you have questions or doubts on certain items, place those in your checked baggage. We strongly encourage travelers to read our full list of prohibited items to avoid hassle.

Prohibited Items:
Makeup and Personal Items
Aerosal spray bottles and cans
All creams and lotions including
Neosporin or first-aid creams and ointments, topcial or rash creams and ointments, suntan lotions, moisturizers, etc.
Bug and mosquito sprays and repellents
Eye drops (See exceptions below)
Gel deodorantsHair styling gels
Hair sprays of all kinds including aerosol
Hair straightener or detangler
Lip gels and balms
Lip glosses or liquids for lips
Liquid bubble bath including gel or liquid filled bubble bath balls or bath oils or moisturizers
Liquid foundations
Liquid, gel or spray perfumes or colognes
Liquid sanitizers
Liquid soaps
Make up removers or facial cleansers
Mascara
Non-prescription liquid or gel medicines like cough syrup and gel cap type pills (See our section on Medications)
MouthwashNail polish and removersSaline solution (See exceptions below)
Shampoos and conditioners
Toothpaste
Food and Drinks
All beverages, Camelbaks and similar backpacks and water bottles (See exceptions below)
Cheese in pressurized containers
Duty free alcohol and other items (Please see our section on Duty Free Items)
Gel based sports supplementsJellosPuddingWhipped cream
Yogurt or gel like food substances
Other Items
Baby teethers with gel or liquid insideChildren’s toys with gel insideGel candlesGel shoe inserts (See exceptions below)Lighters (Read our section on lighters and matches)

Exceptions:
Under certain circumstances, some items from the list above are permitted. To help you understand more about these items and the circumstances under which they are permitted please read below.
Eye drops - You are allowed to carry up to 4 oz., of eye drops with you. Volumes greater than 4 oz., are only permitted in your checked baggage.Gel Shoe Inserts - Gel shoe inserts are not permitted, but shoes constructed with gel heels are allowed and must be removed and screened.Prescription and non-prescription medications and other medical needsSaline solution - You are allowed to carry up to 4 oz., of eye drops with you. Volumes greater than 4 oz., are only permitted in your checked baggage.Baby formula and food, breast milk and other baby items

Can't Wait

2006-08-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

A whole bunch of nothingness - big and small - have been going on. First off, J.R. and I haven't seen each other since our Superman movie hangout, which is about a month ago. We still talk, mostly text message each other, because our schedules are so conflicted. For example, this month I have 14th, 18th-21st (i'll be going home for my bday) and he has 16th and 17th off. Very convenient, eh?

I also visited my good friend/training classmate/former housemate Edd in Cleveland last month. He's doing well and he's doing so much flying out of that base. His boyfriend is doing good too...they look so cute together! More than 4 years together and still going strong :) He toured me around Cleveland and it's nearby cities. We went to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and drove around. It's probably the cleanest and cheapest estate city I've ever been so far. As a matter of fact, I want to move there! So I told him to give me about 3 years to save so I have a down payment money for a condo over there. That way I already have a solid line from work, earning consistently and have pretty much decided whether I'd stay domestic or international. Anyhow, Cleveland is a very senior base so I probably won't transfer fully to that base until I can hold a line which is probably 8 years from now.

My most intersting trip for the month - Cancun! I love Cancun! It's more expensive now there because they're still trying to make up from what they've lost from the hurricane but hopefully it'll go back to normal. It was so great and I was with very nice crew who stayed out with me to the beach and pool for 6 hours! I was burnt and as of right now, I'm peeling a little bit even though I put sunblock on. I also got quite a few rash, most likely because of the seaweed. But it was all worth it. I so want to go back!

Then there was the bomb scare. My flight to LAX at that time was delayed for 6 hours. Small price to pay for safety, of course. It was exhausting nonetheless. So now no one can carry any type of fluids and gels in their carry on bags. Bags with such things must be checked in. I'm definitely looking forward to going home this weekend...can't wait!

Time will tell

2006-06-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

The past month had been interesting, to say the least. I've had numerous early quick calls (couple of 4:30am calls for 7am chec-in, 3:30am call for 6am check-in, 2:30am call for 5:15am check-in) with one of the quick calls going to Puerto Rico (2 blocks from the beach...not bad!). The there was J.R. He's also a flight attendant for us, a year younger than me and a couple of months my junior in airline seniority. He's 6'2" (one foot taller than me!) with a great sense of humour. I met him in T.A. crew room. He worked with the other flight attendant I was working with at that time. We had some seat time so we hang out at the crew room. We were just laughing and throwing jokes around. When my co-worker and I were waiting on the gate waiting for our plane, J.R. texted him and asked for my number. So I gave it to my co-worker who passed it along to J.R. The next day, we hang out and watched X3 (he already watched it but he watched it again with me). My shuttle going back to my crashpad was not going to be in until 3o minutes after we arrived at my waiting spot so he waited along with me. We've been talking and texting each other since. Don't know when we'll able to see each other again since our schedule is so different but I guess I'll see how it goes. I already told my friends about him and they seemed to be excited about my "normality" - having to start talking to a boy. Well, I guess time will tell about this one...

Color

2006-05-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

And the excitement go on...After I was called to go work the flight to Rome, Italy - yes, I went to Vatican, ate gellato and canolli (sp?) but I didn't drink wine - and got scheduled to work the flight to Birmingham, UK - stayed at Strat/Avalon the "Shakespeare town" and visited Shakespeare's tomb (if you can call it that) in the chapel...I am now ready again for another exitement, yikes. I'm moving to CALFA sorority house (better known as crashpad) tomorrow and hopefully everything goes well. Maybe my social life will actually have some color??

scared

2006-04-25T19:15:00.000-07:00

I'm scared. I always go home about once or twice a month to visit my family. A few hours ago my dad called me. They were planning on visiting me on my birthday. Now, my birthday is a long time from now (August) but time goes by so fast we have to plan these things out in advance. So why am I scared? Because the year added to my life means another year less to my parents. My parents are still relatively young. My dad is 56 and my mom is turning 50 this July. But all of us are going to face death in one form or another. I'm scared because I'm not spending as much time with them as I wish I could. I don't know who said the saying "Live your life to the fullest" but it's hard to do that and spend time with your loved ones like there's no tomorrow. So my fears are escalated with my lack of time with my family. I'm blabbering, I know. I just can't imagine a life without any of my family members and I don't want to. I mentioned to one of my friends before that I'd rather die first before my parents. But then again, my parents have been through enough in their lives so why give them more grievance? What am I saying?! I don't know where all these thoughts are coming from. I'm just scared.

become me

2006-04-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

I wish I was one of those people who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Maybe if I was one of them, I wouldn't be this reserved, I would get hurt more, I would cry more, I would allow myself to make more mistakes...I would love more...and the ache of fear, the ache of loneliness, the ache of distance would not become me.

It's frustrating...

2006-04-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like my beta fish and I have the same fate, or at least almost the same lifestyle. For the most part, we're both loners swimming in our own little world...pretending that we're part of the bigger world. We're both afraid that the same type of species would enter our fish bowl because we might get hurt in the process. I'm trying to change, I even flipped my career completely but I find my self retreating back more and more. I wish I knew what to do. How can someone feel independent and helpless at the same time? It's frustrating...

Thank goodness!

2006-04-07T12:56:00.000-07:00

After three of my roommates moved out, the worst after shock was to be expected - getting new roommates. Not being able to find new roommates soon pose a major financial threat for me and the last roommate I have since we will be obliged to pay the entire amount of the apartment, plus the utilities and internet. And since we're both in the same financial both - or lack thereof - we're basically skrewed. My first insomnia attack after a year is threatening to overcome me again as the night before my trip assignment, I only was able to sleep for an hour. The day of my first trip I was fine. I even got some sleep on my layover. However, the second day of my assignment I was drained. I had to use the gym and soak into hot bath before I was able to fall asleep. The last day of my trip (TPA) I sunbathed for a couple of hours (the winter drained my color and turned me pale!) and then took a nap before my one leg assignment back to my base. But yesterday (first day of my 5-day off), on my flight home, I had the sense of feeling that everything will be ok. There's something about going home that just keep me in my center and keep me sane. Thank goodness!

close to me

2006-04-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

Another heavy sigh. Two of my roommates got their transfers to our IAH base. They left this afternoon. I've hang out with these girls since training, one of them was actually my roommate there. We were in one evacs group...and now, just three months of living together, they've left. I guess I could've gone with them especially that the status of living there is much lower. But I want to stay here. I want to experience a different way of life. Maybe if I can't handle the life that I've chosen anymore, I'll move there too. But not yet. I think I'm adjusting to my living arrangement right now quite alright. I already miss them. I didn't get to hang out with them more because we were all flying everywhere. This job has a knack at training people not to get attached to other people or things. I'm already a private person as it is. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever let anyone get really close to me.

being a bum becomes of me

2006-03-24T14:03:00.000-08:00

I've officially become a bum. I've been in my pajamas for three days now (don't worry, I've been taking shower) but since I haven't been working (my work haven't used me and I didn't pick up any flights when I was on my day off), I've been pretty much in front of my laptop for the most of 3 days...surfing the net, joining radio rewards program and watching movies. I should read but I figure I do that in the plane anyway. I've been lazy so I haven't been outside my crashpad, plus I don't really have money to spend. Whenever I leave my crashpad, chances are that I'll be spending money. I can't wait until I'm out of reserves and become a line holder so I can go back to school, and maybe get a second job. It's nice to be a bum once in a while but I need to get back to my workaholic self before this gig of being a bum becomes of me.

To dream or not to dream

2006-03-22T14:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I woke up this morning all freaked out. I don't want to voice my concern but i just needed to let it out which is why I'm blogging it instead. Last night 2 of my roommates and I went to see the movie "The Hills Have Eyes." The movie wasn't scary...a little disturbing and a little sad, not all together bad but could've been better...but definitely not scary. Anyhow, last night (or early this morning, we got back at our crashpad late), I had a terrible dream, more like a nightmare. It wasn't about the movie. It was about my dad. I dreamt that he died. It's still hard for me to even type this. In my dream, I was crying so hard and I really felt the emotion even up until I woke up. I wasn't crying when I woke up but I was sooo glad when I realized that it was just a dream. I prayed to God that all my loved ones were ok and all in good condition. I fell asleep again and when I woke up again, I prayed again. We had a time difference so I didn't want to call too early. I tried to come up with what to say when I call my dad. I needed to hear his voice and know for sure that he was ok. I needed the April 8th weekend off for his bday and house warming so when I found out that my schedule for next month was up and that I actually had the days off, I called him and told him that I would be coming home. It was so good to hear his voice and I was really relieved. He was working at the time and I made sure that I didn't hang up without saying that I loved him. I can't wait till I'm home again and I can hug him even though I was home just a week ago.

Well, since I made sure that he was ok, I looked up the web to see if my dream had meaning. I know it's silly but any meaning other than the literal from my dream would be acceptable. So far, here's what I found:

Death
To dream about the death of a loved one, suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies. Ask yourself what makes this person special or what do you like about him. It is that very quality that you are lacking in your own relationship or circumstances. Alternatively, it indicates that whatever that person represents has no part in your own life.

Father
To see your father in your dream, symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. Consider also your waking relationship with your father.
To dream that your father is dead, forewarns that you need to proceed with caution in conducting your business.

I'll take it so long that my dream doesn't really involve my dad and it just pertains on my way of living. For some people, to dream is to escape reality. But if my dreams are worse than my reality, I'd rather not sleep. Oh, to dream or not to dream...

life's definitely looking up

2006-03-03T06:01:00.000-08:00

Wow, it seems like I've been posting only every other month. Well, I still don't have a computer. I'm using my roommate's laptop...she's on a trip.

My career started slow, having had a lot of sit time in January but it soon picked up in February. I've been working and playing! Although my January was a bit dull, it's highlight was going to Ellis Island and visiting the Statue of Liberty on the 30th of January with my roommates, my February definitely picked up. I went home for a few days on my days off on the first week of February. One of the days I was a reserve, scheduling called me at 4:30 am to fly to DAY. It was only one leg going there and we would have a nice layover, and then fly back the next day. As the blizzard covered east coast 24 inches of snow, our flight the next day got delayed from morning to afternoon. When we finally got to the airport at about 3pm, we found out that our flight was cancelled. We spent another day in DAY, where sun was up and 20 degrees warmer than east coast. No complains.

I also got assigned a 4-day trip and on its last day, we worked the flight from MSY to IAH. Instead of deadheading back to base as the schedule said, I decided to get released in IAH instead and turnaround to catch the next flight to SFO. I stayed and hang out with my friends there and was even able to hike!

And my favorite trip so far was my 3-day trip to SEA. I worked one leg to SEA, had a 40-hour layover in downtown, and worked one leg back. Sweet. It was also the cleanest downtown I've ever been so far. SEA is definitely one of the places I don't mind living in.

I just got done with my 3-day trip. It was nothing exciting...more like tiring, really. Yesterday, on our last flight, we were sitting for 5 hours because of the delay. Today, one of my roommates in the crashpad moved out already. He got his transfer to another base where he lives. I miss him already. It's so cool to have gay roommates (I had two-down to one) who were past their girly days and not flambouyant anymore. They're 37 and 38 years old. I love them dearly.

So, on my short stint as flight attendant, so far I've learned:
1) It's not fun to drag your rollerboard and tote bag on snow covered - or even just icy - ground.
2) Never leave for a trip without my beanie hat, gloves, scarf, light sweater, coat, running shoes and bathing suit.
3) I only like snow when watching it fall from the inside of my crashpad with hot chocolate on my hand.
4) I like working first class.
5) I get 10% discount in any airport store and restaurant.

What I've left in aircraft so far:
1) My inflight manual (it was soon left in my v-file before I even realized I had lost it...bad!)
2) My apron (sigh...I know I won't find that again)
3) My PA chi-chi (not a problem, I can print another one)

Well, I think that pretty much summarized what I've been upto so far. Can't wait 'til summer when all these ice melt and I could have layover in more exotic place. Yup, life's definitely looking up.

The life of a new flight attendant

2006-01-05T10:31:00.000-08:00

Ahoy! It's been a while since my last post and I'll try to remember what I've been upto...

My flight attendant training started on Nov. 14 until Dec. 15 of 2005. It was very intense and overwhelming. There were a lot of information and they really put on the stress. The classes were usually from 8am until 5pm, but we had to be at the training facility by 7:30am because breakfast was classroom time. Everyday, the instructors assign a crew of three people to serve both breakfast and lunch for the next day. Training was fun, stressful and challenging but I did it. We started with 38 people, 34 graduated. Mondays were exam days, a full day for evacuation exam, another full day for final uniform fitting and emergency equipment oral exam, then there was the three-part final exam. Of course, training would not be complete if we didn't jump into the freezing swimming pool for ditching day. Right after graduation, I caught the first flight home. The next day, I still worked at my old part-time job as well as the day after.

My orientation was Dec. 21 and 22. On the last day of orientation, I found out that there was a disturbing legal case between my two classmates. I got called in less than a week later for a legal interview about the case. I do hope that it gets resolved soon and the truth will be found.

My first flight was Christmas Eve. I did a FLL turn. The day after, I had the SDQ turn. Then, I had a two-day trip that had night layover in DFW and day layover in IAH. Then, I did an SFO turn. After my day off on the 30th, I picked up AA for New Year's Eve and picked up 4-day trip that had layovers in BOS, SLC and LAX. I was able to go home during this trip because of the 19 hours layover.

Today, I have a day off. After I try to pick up a trip, I'll get my dry cleaning. Starting tomorrow, I'm good again to fly for 6 days. Ahh...the life of a new flight attendant.

Not spectacular

2005-11-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

I'm deleting the little site that I made at geocities so I'm going to post the few poems that I made for that site over here.

08/23/05
For it is the night that rises,
For it is the night that doesn't sleep,
For it is the night that invades day light
For it is the night that doesn't dream.
For it is the night that has pale lamp,
For it is the night that has eyes ablaze,
For it is the night that holds silence,
For it is the night that owns fear.

08/24/05
Broken

Listen to the cries that pierce the heart,
The cry of passion and the cry of pain.
But why do I hear voices that are empty,
Instead of reaching deep inside of me?
Study the faces of the beloved,
Of the suffering and of the free.
But why am I looking at someone who can't see
The true meaning behind every glory?
I feel the shadow engulf my being,
I walk past the haunting ground of darkness
And as I shut my eyes I hold my breath, uneasy
Knowing exactly why I failed to be happy.

9/26/05

Silver lake of dreams
Rushing through my heart and soul
And I have found you.

9/27/05

Mourner leaves familiar stain
Heaven warms the streaking dark days
Memories playing the season of tears
Friendless instrument of passing.

9/27/05

Spread your pretty wings
And prepare to fly away
Touch the world again.

Not much and definitely not spectacular.

I have to

2005-11-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

For the training, we were given things to memorize - airport codes! 5 pages of airport codes have to be memorized by the time we go to training. On the second day of training, we have an exam. Every week after that, we have major exam that we have to pass with 80% and all of the exams are comprehensive. I really hope I do well.

Yesterday my part-time job had a holiday meeting. It was supposed to start at 3pm but I didn't get there until 3:30pm because I went to the wrong community center. Anyway, after the meeting, I talked to my manager. I asked if he can put me on one month vacation (nov.14-dec. 15). I told him that I was attending a week conference and the rest of the month I'm taking for vacation. I felt bad for lying but I need a job in case I fail the training. I'll definitely do my best to pass the training but there's nothing certain in life. Well, my manager let me go on vacation even though November and December are supposed to be blocked out for vacation because holidays are the busiest time in any retail. He just told me to give him something expensive from where I'm going. Darn.

Well, my biggest problem is my financial status. The training is unpaid so I won't have income for a month upto when I move across country for my new job as a flight attendant. I still have to pay for my car until December (so just one more payment and my parents will assume the payments after that - I really feel bad), one more credit card that has balance, and I don't have much in my bank. This is going to be tough but I believe I'll be ok. I have to.

fly high

2005-11-03T16:05:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a crazy couple of weeks for me. Last week I only worked two days at my part-time job which was good considering I was sick. I was also contacted via e-mail by the airlines I submitted my resume to. The told me to contact their inflight recruiter to schedule an interview and flight. So I did. I stayed home after work on Saturday and watch a supposed to be scary documentary with my family. On Sunday, my brothers, my older bro's gf, my sister and I went grocery shopping after church and lunch (we went to buffet with my parents). I knew we shouldn't have grocery shopped together. Most of the things we bought were junk food! We also watched Saw II.

On Monday I worked at my day job. At 10pm I was on my way to the airport for the 1am flight. My brothers dropped me off and of course, I had to forget my purse in the car so I had to call my house via collect so they can call my brothers to give me my purse. The flight was ok with the exception of my lack of sleep. I was able to take a nap but woke up with stiff neck. I arrived my destination at about 6am. I ate cold plate (couple of shrimp, couple slices of balogne, cheese, crackers, grapes, cashew nuts) on the plane so I really didn't care for breakfast. I did have decaf green tea because my stomach was getting acidic. My interview was not till 9am so I hang around at the baggage claim area, planning to take the shuttle to the training center at 8am. I sort of dozed off but still semi-conscious so when I went outside to take the shuttle I was a little refreshed. I took the wrong shuttle and it was a good thing that I still had a lot of time to kill so I was able to get to my interview on time. I met a lot of nice people, most of them ended up to my group. Before the interview, there was an activity group. There were about 20-25 people to be interviewed. The group activity mostly consisted of five people. Then we went to individual interview. Some of us were instructed to come back at 1pm. Being prompt, couple of group members and I went back at around 12:30pm. The interview conductor saw us and told us that the reason we had to go back by 1pm was because some people were still interviewing and might have not been invited to the second phase of the process. So he led us to the same room we were intially at before the individual interview. Here we found out the all of my group members made it for the second individual interview. We also found out the recruiters sent half of the people home. Then we went to the second individual interview. After I went to mine, I was invited to the panel interview. We were "hidden" to another room so that other applicants who weren't invited won't be able to see us and won't get upset. Apparently I said something right because after a long process and an extra long panel interview (which I found out later on I had one of the longest panel interviews), they invited me to the inflight training program! I am to start my training on November 14, 2005 and the training ends December 15, 2005. If I've successfully finish the training (getting at least 80% on the weekly exam), they would officially hire me. My first day to work would be December 24, 2005. I was dumbfounded. I didn't expect to get that far in the interview knowing how competitive it is, and I especially didn't expect to get invited to the training! It's truly remarkable. I spent the last couple of days nervous and excited at the same time. I am worried of my financial ability to move across country but at the same time I am excited because this is truly what I want to do. The real sad part is that I won't be home for Christmas and that I won't be spending much time to the new house which I still have to pay monthly with my parents and older brothers. But those are tomorrow's problems. I just know that I'm up to a great adventure and that I am going to fly high.

Stay or go home

2005-10-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

Darn! I'm down with a flu. And guess what...I actuall had a flu shot on Thursday! Bummer. I think my flu started on Thursday, too! I worked both jobs that day and at night, my throat started to hurt. I've been drowning my self with tea since then. On Friday after my 8-5 work, instead of resting, I went straight to my friend's house. I can't just bail out since we all made plans. We went to QM. It was fun! 7 Horror mazes (it's hard to scare me) and a club. Saturday morning I was supposed to have a dentist appointment but I re-scheduled because I wasn't feeling well. I was pretty much down the entire weekend. Yesterday I went home early from work because I was still in bad shape. I slept from noon till 4pm and then again at 10pm till this morning. I am at work right now and still deciding whether I should stay or go home :(

No life

2005-10-17T11:26:00.000-07:00

Not much goin on lately, other than work that is...what's new, right? Well, I hang out again with my gal pals on Saturday Night. I worked in the morning from 4:45am (I thought I started at 4:15am so I got there half an hour earlier when I should've had half-hour more sleep!) until 1:15pm. I took a nap at around 3pm-5pm (or is it consider sleep already if it's more than an hour?). I cooked crab rangoons per my friends' request and went to my friend's house at around 7pm. We ate dinner then went to the near restaurant for drinks. Now, I don't drink but my friends have been trying to get me to drink (I taste but I really don't drink...sips of two to four is enough - and I mean SIP and not drink) since I was 17 or 18 (my family has been handing me liqueur when I turned 18, don't know why) but I just really didn't like the taste. Anyhow, my friend ordered me Lava Flow. It was actually good, you can't taste the alcohol at all, which is what I want. But then again, I don't drink. Even though the drink is pretty good, I still can't drink it really, don't know why. I guess I'm just weird. Well, I sipped here and there but my friends ended up drinking the lava flow while partially conscious of what they're doing (we share drinks, foods - sharing is care :) and just made a comment when the drink was done...hehe...We went back to my friend's house and just hang out. Nope, no games. We just basically talked and touched bases.

Yesterday after work (I worked from 5:15am-1:45p), I just stayed home. I played sequence with my sister, exchanged banters with my family, watched TV...went to bed at around 9:30pm.

By the way, I'm a certified Neopets addict. Check it out:

http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=xyrielle

My username is xyrielle.

Anyway, I should get back to work. I'm working as usual till 5pm at my day job, and 7pm-12:45am on the other one later on. Don't ask how I do it, I don't know either. Oh, never mind..I do know. I basically have no life.

Back to Work Now

2005-10-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

On Friday (10/7), I took my eldest brother, my younger brother and my sister to the theme park for Halloween treat. It was fun...my sis was a scaredy cat and wouldn't let go of my younger brother's arm (she's 14). The theater show was great also! We left the park at about 12:30am and went to eat out...we were home by 1:30am.

On Saturday, I worked from 12:30pm - 7pm. After work, I went home to change clothes and picked up some ingredients to cook. I went to my friends house (it was game night!) and cooked for them (crab rangoon). I also brought cinnamon coffee cake (no, I didn't bake that) and we were playing and laughing the entire night. That night would probably be one of my favorite nights! Even though we were not complete, we were laughing so hard that my heart actually hurt! It proves that you don't need to go through so much heartache to be able to laugh so hard and be at one of your happiest moments. You just have learn how to let yourself completely go. We called it a night (or morning) at 1:30am.

Yesterday after church and lunch, I took a nap before going to work. I worked from 5pm - 12:45am. The night was pretty much uneventful, except for minor changes in shift coverage. One of the shift supervisors were scheduled to close and open the next day so he had to go home at 8pm and I had to take over. I was scheduled as a regular employee last night but there was no other way but to hand it over to me since I was a shift and already working anyway.

Now, I'm back at work (my day full-time job) and learning Spanish at the same time. I bought CDs level 1-3 with books for Spanish - the learn in your car thing but I'm learning it at work. I started on Friday with level one. I'm going to listen to it again today for refresher (and that way it sticks to me more) and then I'll go for level 2 tomorrow.

Well, I guess I have to go back to work now.

We take the time that we have for granted

2005-10-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

Death. n. The termination or extinction of something. The act of dying; termination of life.

For the past week, there had been two deaths in my home town. The first one, early last week, was the person who my siblings and I considered as our second father. He and his wife helped my parents in raising us. He had been in the hospital for about a month or so, trying to recover from stroke. I wish I had written to him. I wish I had thanked him.

The second, over the weekend, was my uncle. He was the husband of my dad's sister. The even sadder news about his death was that they were celebrating my aunt's birthday when he had a heart attack. He was dead on arrival when they got to the hospital. He was 53.

Death comes with no age, no health, sometimes without warning, all the time inescapable. We know it. We can never prepare for it. Still, we take the time that we have for granted.

The lessons I've learned so far

2005-09-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

The things I've learned on my full-time job so far:

1) Don't do today what you can do tomorrow - or you risk not doing anything at all the next day and you'll bore yourself to tears. This was a very scary lesson to learn because the company's mission is to save life.

2) No matter how close your house is, you'll still be late for work.

3) People who work in the office have potentials of gaining weight AT LEAST 5 lbs. within the first couple of months, depending on how fast your metabolism is. Why? Eating out for lunch, potlucks, ice cream social, employee of the month events (free cake and drinks), and so forth.

4) The hardest part of the job is dragging your work to last all day (for me at least, I'm sure there's a lot of actual busy people around me. I'm busy sometimes, too...just not as much as I want to be - I'm a workaholic, ok!?!).

5) Too much day dreaming can result in finding more determination for changing career. Yes, I'm more determined now to be a flight attendant than ever! But then again, I might get over it.

Well, that's it. The lessons I've learned so far.

RaNdOm ThOuGhTs

2005-09-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

Just thoughts that I don't even know how to post because, well, it's not organized in my brain.

Relationships. The more I stay single, the more I become afraid (more afraid?) of being committed. Why? I have no idea. It's just the idea of actually having a relationship terrifies me as I become more independent (and I'm very independent already). Why this sudden thoughts? Again, no idea. I just started thinking about it on my way to lunch.
Career. I want to be a stewardess! Now where did this come from? This is actually an on and off thought - career choice - that I've had since I was I think 17 or 18 if I'm not mistaken. An acquaintance from my former school club became a flight attendant and I just started wondering what it would be like. But since the requirement was 21 yrs. old, I shrugged the idea and went on to take business management. All throughout college I thought of it sparodically but never seriously because I intended to finish college and when I turned 21 I was practically done with college so there really was no way I was going to drop out. The latter years of my college actually focused on getting a career in my chosen field, my major. After I moved back home I started browsing on what full-time job I should apply for. Then there was an open interview for flight attendants on July so I went. I had no idea it was THAT competitive to get into the position. Out of 20+ people in the room, only 2 were chosen. Obviously I wasn't chosen because I'm still ranting (or rather typing) about this (in not so coherent way) and juggling with a full-time job (I got my full-time job in August - under my major by the way) and a part-time job (the one I can't let go just yet - I've had this job for 3 years). But for some bizarre reason, I just can't stop thinking about being a stewardess/flight attendant (I don't know why the name change, I kinda like 'stewardess'). It was like when I got my tattoo. I wasn't really going to get it but the more I think of it, the more I want it. I went by myself one day when I had nothing else better to do and got it. Not right there and then, I had to make an appointment, they drew the tattoo for me, one night for the outline (3 hours), one night for shading (3 hours). Yes, 2 sessions - 6 hours total. Why so long? Because it's big. Anyhow, it was like that. The more I think of getting it, the more it sticks to me until I just can't shake it off and I just had to have it. Same think with the flight attendant-sudden-switch-of-career thing is. And what a way to really want something...on a season when they're not hiring! Well, if there's a will, there's a way. The only problem is that I have a bad sense of direction so it might take a little longer for me to find that way. In any case, I'll try.

Wow, this post is actually long. Well, I gotta get back to work.

Blah

2005-09-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

Nothing much going on lately but work. Even my day job became busy because my boss, the one I'm assisting, is on vacation so I'm doing more things. I'm also doing the archive log which is taking forever to finish. But tonight I'll have a break. I'm going out with my gal pals and watch a chick flick. Should be fun. I have tomorrow off also at my other job so I can finally sleep in.

It's really nice to be told smart, or be treated as a "real" adult, or to ask consultation about an area I majored in college - which hasn't really been put into practice. It's nice because I don't expect it. My "colleagues" here at my day job asks for my opinion - serious discussions, as well as career changing decisions. It feels good to be sought for opinion and it feels better when my opinions mattered. At the same time, I feel the sense of heavy responsibility because any thing I say is ground for professional impact - which means it can hold against me if ever by chance I'm wrong. The beautiful life of growing up...blah!

Thanks for reading

2005-09-12T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I had a busy week. I worked both jobs on Wednesday. On Thursday, I gave away my shift on my second job because I was tired. I also started re-arranging the archive room for my day job. On Friday, I was able to finish archiving and so I started checking the employee status of the ones I found in archive. I didn't work that night at my second job.

On Saturday I was supposed to be off but my co-worker called me the day before to know if I could work for her, so I worked from 5:15 am until about 1:30 pm. I met with my friends at about 5 pm. As usual, it was game night. We played ziggity, pictionary and pool. We also watched the boxing match between Pacquiao and Velasquez. TKO. Nice.

Yesterday was a lazy day. After church and lunch, we just watched TV at home. At about 3 pm, I drove my younger brother to where he was to submit his application for employment. Then we went grocery store to buy steak sauce. I bought bar-b-q sauce instead. Go figure. When we got home, it was Karaoke for an hour and a half, then dinner, then TV, then sleep. And now I'm back to work.

Thanks people for dropping in and also for the people who have been leaving comments. I didn't think any of this is worth reading, definitely not that exciting. Thanks for reading :)

I can't believe

2005-09-06T16:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been actually working today and Friday. I had the weekend off so that was nice. My younger brother came home from boot camp on Friday night. My mom told me after I got home from my second job. We ate out to a buffet lunch on Saturday as to feed my brother "real" food. Anyhow, we didn't expect him to come home this past weekend. We were expecting him this coming weekend so our plans of taking him out would be then. I hang out with my friends from about past 4pm until almost 1 am, with a little side tour from me for picking and dropping my mom of from work to our house at around 10pm. Then on Sunday, we went to church in the morning. I went to see my friend from up north at about 7pm. I got lost on my way there. What's new.

Yesterday we didn't have work at the office so I had my self scheduled at my other job during the day time so I can turn in early at night. I was supposed to start at 2 pm but my co-worker was sick and called me to come in early. So I did. I started at 11:30am instead. I was supposed to get off at 6:45 pm but I had to stay a little bit longer because it was really busy. I left at 7:05 pm. Anyhow, I didn't really mind because it was time and a half payment.

This morning I was supposed to call work before I come in because they might need me. Long story short, I got in 2 hours after my regular 8am shift. There's more gory details but it still confuses me. Anyway, I have to leave soon and go to my other job. I can't believe it's September already.

Just Venting

2005-08-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

grrr...my friend Ap is really getting on my nerves. She's just too pushy! And the things she say about the other job (it's like supposed to be my third job - insurance, networking...that kind of think) is supposed to be encouraging but it just comes out wrong! Ok, so I know most of the time she means well and not just doing it for personal gain but she thinks that never mind. Bottom line: the way she talks about how I decide to spend my time with my two jobs is down grading, depressing and full of b*ll sh*t! One of these days, I don't know when it would be (because she did put a lot of effort for me to be successful in this one, it's just not my thing right now), I'll tell her that I'll let go of that career for now. grrr...

anyway, that one just happened, over text messaging of all things. Other than that, the rest of my was a snooze. There really wasn't much to do in the office. I've been playing neopets, cross stitching, and web surfing. Both of my boss are not here, that's why. Yesterday I had some work in the office but not that much either. I had to work on my other job last night also so I was kind of tired this morning. I have work tonight also. I'm glad I was able to give away my shift for tomorrow night so I can at least rest. Anyway, that's it...just venting...

Unexciting, totally predictable

2005-08-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

The other day I worked both jobs. The day job was still a little bit slow but for some reason I seem busier. I worked with the new ASM at night, she's cool...we'll see, I guess. We got out earlier so that's a good thing. The schedule for the next week was posted also and I got tired just by looking at it! I was scheduled to until 12:45am from Monday-Friday, which means for an entire week I won't have sleep. So I called around to get my shift on Wednesday covered. Luckily, people needs hours so it wasn't hard to find someone to work for me. So my 68 hours is nw 62 hours (the Wednesday shift was just 4 hours). At least I'll be able to rest in the middle of the week before I continue on.

Yesterday I actually worked...or pretended hard to work. Anyway, I didn't work at my night job last night so it was alright. It's a good thing I don't have insomnia attacks anymore and I was able to sleep whenever I go to bed.

Today I got up early because we had a potluck. I had to stop by at Starbucks to get a coffee traveler. I guess I understimated how I function in the morning because I got at work at 7:30am - no one was here yet! But it was cool, I got to day dream...whoever said that day dreaming was free...I was getting paid to do that! hehe...
It was also arts and crafts today. While my co-worker was learning how to sew, I was doing my cross stitch - which I haven't done in years because I had no time. Apparently, Monday and Tuesday would be the same because the BOSS won't be here.

Anyhow, I should go home now. Since I only blog when I'm at the office (coz I'm not doing anything), I guess I'll be back next week to write about my unexciting, totally predictable life.

Joy

2005-08-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

So how bored was I yesterday? Well, I was able to create a website with two pages (under construction still, mind you): http://geocities.com/ooozymandiaz/NiGhT_ViEw

It got a little busier toward the end of my day job but all in all it was fine. I also worked at my other job last night. That was a little bit more tiring but at least not as much as it tired me the last couple of weeks. I got to talk to C on the phone during my half-hour break last night...I haven't really talked to her that much since I moved down south so it was nice catching up with her. Huh...I don't even have much to say today...it's interesting how someone is supposed to be productive, having two jobs and all, just to realize that you feel anything but. I think my head is now full of air. I already know that I'm not making sense as a I'm typing this. But who cares? Anyway, I should probably pretend to work or else they'll realize they don't need me and fire me...joy...

Good Week So Far

2005-08-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

Veeerrryyy slow here at the office. But who's complaining? I'm getting paid to sit around, browse the internet, play games (some of them)...I can't access my personal e-mail, though. The company internet blocks personal mails (yahoo, hotmail) and some game sites. So here I am once more, blogging my time away.

Yesterday at work, since both my boss and my boss' boss left by 2pm (and I supposedly had to stay until 5pm), I reconstructed my sites at neopets (yes, that's the game site I play at), surfed the web, did a little work (and there really was just little work to be done) and went home at about 4:30pm. See, I wasn't that bad...I left work only 30 minutes before I had to.

After work I cleaned my room because it's been ages since the last time I actually did it. It's not spectacular but at least it's cleaner than it used to be. I did a little laundry, ate dinner and was on bed by 9pm.

Not much happening today at the office, either. Most of the things I had to do were done by 9am. Just little things here and there to do, things that take only 5 minutes to finish, 10 when I triple check that those were done correctly. Most of the time I was just playing and surfing the web. Having a slow day time job is a good thing, especially on the days like this...the day when I have to go to my other job at night. At least I can actually look forward to my weekend because I actually have it off - without requesting it!

So, all in all, it's a good week so far.

Blessed

2005-08-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally had a weekend off. I don't have to work weekends on my full-time job but I'm usually scheduled to work weekends on my part-time one. But since I already had plans, I asked for the weekend off.

On Saturday (my birthday!), we were supposed to go to a wedding in the morning. My parents went because they were sponsors but my eldest bro, my sis and I went straight to the reception. It was too early for me since I worked the night before and got off at 1am. My sister pointed out also that they put their gift on the bed the night before, which I completely missed because I just crawled to my bed and slept. My parents (ok, my sis and eldest bro also) bought me the pair of earrings with matching necklace with my birthstone (peridot). I've worn it that day. We left the reception at about past 4pm. Then we went to dinner for my birthday dinner, just my family. After that, we went to our family friend's house because he was also celebrating his birthday. His bday was actually Thursday but since no one would be able to come (my parents had the wedding rehearsal, the rest of us had work), he decided to had his get-together at his house on Saturday.

On Sunday after church and lunch, my second older brother took me to the mall and bought me two shoes! He's really a sweetheart. After that, I went to get my oil change because my car was already over 1,000 mileage from the recommended oil change. At 4pm, my friends picked me up and we went out for my birthday. We played miniature golf, raced (my neck still hurts from the go cart!), and ate dinner. Then we hang out at DoMi's house and chatted until about 11pm. They also gave me great gifts!

And now I'm back at work, but just one today because I asked for the day off (again) from the other job. I am extremely thankful for my family and friends. I really felt love over the weekend. I still do. I might complain about some parts of my life, about the way I look (not a lot of people are satisfied with the way they look, anyway)...but I am extremely thankful because I know how blessed I am.

Both of them

2005-08-16T11:32:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling better. I was sick on Friday - and still went to both jobs. Geez, I wonder why I got sick :/ the entire weekend was also devoted to work. I must be suicidal subconsciously for abusing my body so much. Nevertheless, I tried making it up with my body by drowning from hot tea, cough drops and antibiotics. I don't cough as much anymore, nor do I have as bad of congestion as I had on Friday. I was also finally been able to go to church on Sunday since I didn't start work until 1:15pm.

Now, the problem of the petites - in every aspect...I was trying to find working shoes (pump shoes or any closed-toe shoes) over the weekend but with no luck. Apparently stores around here don't carry a lot of size 5. Now, is it my fault that I was born with small feet? Bummer...

Yesterday I just worked half a day in the office and took the day off from the other job. I didn't do it for the sake of resting, mind you. I had a natural interview - which I passed, missing one question. I should get my certificate in a month. Even though the interview itself was probably just about 5 minutes, I had to wait for more that 2 hours. I should've brought a book. I got home at around 5:30pm. Nobody wanted to cook so we had burgers for dinner. I left to go to K's house at around 8pm to hang out with my girls. It was fun...we talked, we laughed, we ate (some more; this time hotdogs, buttermilk rice and mexican rice) and they got scared (I love scaring them...it's so easy!). We left there before 10pm since everyone has work the next day.

And so here I am. Back at work. Both of them.

Amuse me

2005-08-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm afraid juggling two jobs - accumulating 60-70 working hours - is finally taking a toll. I'm starting to cough and beginning to lose my voice. A couple of days ago after work on my day job (I'm off on my second job), I decided to take a nap. I had an alarm clock set for the next day just in case I actually fall asleep. I normally wake up at 6ish in the morning and start at 8am so imagine how much I panicked when I looked at the clock and it was quarter to 8! I bolted upright and was about to hurry out the door when I realized that it was quarter to 8 at night! Geez...talkin about workaholic paranoia! In any case, yesterday I worked both jobs, waking up at past 6am and sleeping at about 1:30am. My schedule for today is pretty much the same. It's a good thing that I'm actually going to be able to sleep in tomorrow since I don't start work until 4:15pm. I also got a phone call from one of my gal pals telling me that she was going to have dinner tonight, and of course, I can't come. Then another friend dropped by work last night and when she saw me, she told me that I looked like I lost weight! Now, it might not seem alarming but anyone would be alarmed as I was when they find out that on an average day, I weigh 95 lbs. My weight never passed 100 lbs. Although I know that this is normal for my body type, I really want to gain weight. But to lose it? I'll be bridging between normal body index and anorexia - and that can easily happen since it's hard for me to gain weight but easy to lose. Some people think I'm lucky to have this body type, and though I am grateful most of the time, it is also scary because it's riskier. I'm more prone to get sick (low immune system - and I must be suicidal for working two jobs) and prone to dehydration. In any case, I try to be healthy by exercising (mostly outside of gym - hiking, etc.) though I don't have much time for it lately. I haven't checked my weight yet but I don't think I lost that much - yet. I'll make it up this Saturday at my friend's wedding reception, ironically, also my birth date.

Well, I should probably get back to work...or try to find more things to amuse me.

I'm getting old

2005-08-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been helluva long time since I last posted. I've extremely busy - at some point. The times when I wasn't busy, I was just lazy ;) So why am I posting right now? Because I'm bored. I'm at work right now with nothing to do because I finished 95% of my paper works yesterday, and everything else by 9:30am this morning. People around here warned me about working too fast lest I have nothing to do. I should've listened. I guess working in a slower pace takes getting used to. Well, I'll try to remember what I did the last few months, though not as detailed as my previous posts.

I transferred store in April nearer my parent's house and moved back in with them. For the life of me I can't remember what I did on May. There were cousins and niece who graduated on June, all graduations I couldn't attend but was able to go to the dinner with a couple of them. My younger brother also left for his boot camp on June. He joined the Coast Guard Army on January. First weekend of July my friends from the north visited me and we went to LV. I was tired, I got off work at 1am and they picked me up at 5am. I slept on the drive. We stopped by at SD to pick up another friend and then off to LV. It was fun, we went to a club then we went to watch a concert. Above 110 degrees the entire weekend. Like an open sauna! The weekend after was my sister's and mom's birthday and my parents' anniversary. We ate out to celebrate those occasions and then we had a family trip the weekend after at PS. It was sooo hot over there. 115 degrees (if I remember it correctly) when we got there, and 120 degrees for the remanding two days but we had fun. We rode the tram, went hiking (although not extensively because my brothers were complaining - not in shape!), and went to the zoo. The animal show was cancelled because it was too hot for the animals. The last week of July I had a job interview at ARC (am) and got hired that afternoon. So I stepped down from my position at the store I'm working at now so I can be a regular employee. The job at ARC is M-F 8-5 (full-time) so I'm keeping my other job PT that way I can save and pay off all my debts.

I haven't really been going out. I remember vaguely going out to dinner with my girl friends when I came back home but we were mainly just hanging out DoMiE's house playing pool. This month, we went to the "adult arcade" to celebrate K's bday. My friends (south) and I don't go out anymore unless there's an occasion because we're all in a budget. So that's my life so far. Not as exciting, but still exhausting. What can I say but I'm getting old.

2005-04-26T18:01:00.000-07:00

There comes a time when you wake up one morning and everything is completely different...an exact turnaround from the life you used to know. Although you kept a part of yourself, you know that you have changed. There would also come a time when after all is done and you've reached the freedom and independence that you've always wanted, you would wake up and find yourself exactly where you started. You're happy - still - you want more.

Afraid to say it out loud

2005-03-30T18:10:00.000-08:00

So I gave him away. Shrek is now enjoying the tank with Fiona at Y's house. I'll miss my turtle.

24th of March after my work, I went home and got dressed then I picked up Y. We were chatting while driving to our co-worker's bday at the "adult" arcade (they start ID-ing people at 10pm for below 21). So we were driving and laughing until C called us asking where we were. Lo and behold, I took the north instead of south. So we got lost and asked a cop for directions and we still got lost and long story short, we got there at almost 11:30pm. We left Y's house at 9:30. As if that wasn't bad enough, the line was quarter of a mile long to get in. It was cold and the line was barely moving because they weren't letting people in anymore until some people inside leave because of the max number of people that they can house at a time. We finally got in few minutes before midnight. Y and I didn't play games, we just ate and hang out with the others. And I finally met C's ex boyfriend. Then I became more confused because I had absolutely no idea what she saw in that guy. He was arrogant, loud, full of air, and down-right annoying. Everyone was really annoyed with him but no one would say anything out of respect for C. I mean, the guy was no gentleman at all. When I left my seat, he sat down and when I came back, he didn't even offer any of us girls a seat. Fine. But what irritated me the most was that C was the one who paid for his food, possibily even his drinks and games. Grr.

25th night we were going to a party but when we drove by it wasn't really cracking. So we decided to met upt with CaPa and then again, we got lost. About half-hour later we found our way and then we went bar-lounge hopping. No one was really feelin' it so we went home early. 1am was early for us, ok! Most of us were tired so no one was really trippin.

26th was the girls night out. We went salsa dancing. I didn't know how to salsa but I was trying to learn. There was also a hip-hop room, though remarkably small compared to the salsa dance floor. The place was really nice, with aquarium for saltwater creatures everywhere. I had fun.

27th was Easter Sunday. I attended church at 10am and then lunch after. I played touch-football (touch instead of tackle) with my friends before setting off to work at 2pm. I stayed home that night to rest.

On Monday, the 28th, I called my DM and found out that I didn't have an April interview. Bummer. So I started telling everyone that I was leaving the area as soon as I got my transfer near my parents' house. I would love to stay but my expenses can't hack it. My bills are piling up and my new car payment would start next month and my student loan payment would start June. So right when I got back, I looked for places where I can transfer and started calling people up. One manager told me to call another manager because he was looking for a shift supervisor. I went to the gym that night to release some tension and steam. I was pissed off so I figured that I 'll just be productive with it. I got there at almost 7pm. Worked on my cardio and abs for 30 minutes and then joined the kickboxing class at 7:30. I left at past 8pm.

Forward to the 29th, I called the manager I was referred to and I told him that I would be down there again next weekend. I'm meeting him on the 9th at 9:30am. I am most likely going to get transferred or he wouldn't have asked me to meet him. That was what happened when I transferred to my workplace right now. I was met by my former manager for formality. Last night we went out to dinner (with Th and Sy) after work. Good food, good friends. I'll miss them. I told them to come visit me anytime.

I worked earlier today until 2:30pm. I was going to hike but I got lazy. So I bummed out instead and watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. It was an ok movie. A real teeny bopper movie. Tonight would be a girl's night out. Dinner with my girls and possibly watch Miss Congeniality 2.

Some people can picture themselves ahead of time and make it happen. Some people wishes for something and they get the exact opposite. I'm having a hard time seeing what's in it for me in the future because of the unpredictability of my environment...or maybe because I don't have a certain goal that I want to accomplish...which makes it hard to sense what's in store for me. I want to see the world but I don't know how to do it. I want to experience everything but I'm afraid to get hurt. I want to be in control but I'm gun shy. I want to dream but of what? I'm wanting something but I don't exactly what...or maybe I'm just afraid to say it out loud...

This is all the dosage I could take for now

2005-03-24T01:09:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep. I've been thinking of so many stuff that I figured I might as well put them down to words so that I can somehow clear my head and maybe I can finally go to sleep. Just random thoughts and events, nothing major.

I had my follow up doctor's appointment on March 14th. My doctor said that the ultrasound indicated that the tissue that causes lump in my breast is non-cancerous. She gave me 3 options. First, I can have her get a sample tissue for 100% accuracy (ultrasound is 90% accurate). Second, I can get it surgically removed if I'm really bothered by it because some women don't like having lump. Three, I can do nothing - have an appointment in 6 months again just to make sure. So I chose number three. There's no need to spend the money that I don't have if I don't have to. She said staying low on caffeine would help and some Vitamin E.

Well, I've been sick for a while now. Nothing serious, really. I've just been couging a lot still. A little bit of cold but no fever. I think it's because I haven't really been resting. The only days that I got some rest were March 15 and 16. On March 15, I wasn't feeling well but I still went to work from 4:45-9:45am because nobody can cover my shift. I didn't mind since it was just five hours. When I went home I just stayed on bed all day. I ate soup and I rested. I didn't even stay in front of the computer long. The 16th was my complete day off so I just stayed home and rested. I worked on the 17th and then at 2am of the 18th, me and my friends/co-workers started our 7-hour drive to my parents' house to spend the weekend there.

We got to my parents' house at around 9am. It was drizzling which pretty much sucked because we wanted to be outdoors. We rested for a while after breakfast then I woke up at around 1pm. We ate lunch then my friends and I, along with my dad and eldest brother, went to the car dealership. My brother traded his car for a new one (nissan sentra - he got the same model but different year and with more features) and I bought a new car (honda civic ex) while my dad got the one that I was using. That car (sentra '03) was under my dad's name in the first place but I was the one paying the monthly. Since I've been paying the monthly, my dad put the down payment for my car. It wasn't much but it was something. I'm going to start my monthly payment in May.

I found out that my sister has scoliosis. It was a minor curve that I hope will be corrected soon.

That same night, I took my friends out clubbing. I wasn't able to meet my friends from the area because they all had plans. They wanted to do a barbecue the next day but I already had plans with my family. Anyway, my friends (CaPa, Th, Y) liked the club. We went home at almost 2am.

Our next day was spent shopping. It was funny because the boys basically were the ones who did the shopping while me and Y bought very few stuff. My mom and my second older brother went with us, too. Y and I bought baby turtles also. They were very cute and so we wanted one for a pet. I also bought a belt. Yup. Those were the only ones I bought. My brother bought an old school family computer games, which he later on gave to me. He's such a sweetheart.

At night, it was a typical family gathering for us. Our relatives came over as usual, making up an excuse to get together. This time, the get together was about the boxing fight of Paquiao (sp?) and Morales. It was really loud but fun. It didn't hurt that the food was good, too. The teenagers and post-teenagers made an escape from the "old" ones and went upstairs. My second older brother and his girlfriend, among with Y, Th, my sister, my niece and I played Cranium. CaPa was passed out both from being tired and from being drunk. My eldest brother left for work already, he works graveyard shift. The game was fun, especially because of my second older brother. He's hilarious. Partly because he was buzzed from alcohol. The game was a blast. We also watched part of the old movie "Rosemary's Baby." It was boring. We didn't finish it before we even called it a night at 2am.

The next day, me and my sister went to church while my two older brothers fixed the new furniture in the house. My friends were resting and my parents were supervising the other carpenter who was fixing the new kitchen cabinet. Then CaPa found someone to cover my shift for Monday morning so we got to stay one more day. We picked up my younger brother who was in military training for the weekend. We(My three brothers, my sister and my friends) went to the beach that afternoon. My younger brother got a henna tattoo just to see what my mom's reaction...and it was funny! We also went to the carnival pier. We got home at around 9pm. We packed our things, I grocery shopped at my parents' kitchen and toiletries, I wrote a letter for my sister to be given to the principal telling them of her condition, we finished the movie and then we slept before midnight.

At 4am of the 21st, we ate breakfast and then left for our long drive. After dropping everyone off, I unpacked my car, clean my room a bit, took a shower, making sure my pet was still alive, I then slept until about 6 or 7pm. I went online until I decided to go back to sleep at 3am.

The next day was back to reality. I wrote down my schedule and it said there I was expected at work at 2pm. At 1:30pm, my co-worker told me that I was supposed to be there at 1pm. I got off at 8:30pm. I worked with Th and we decided to eat out for dinner and watch Ring2 after. The movie was ok. Not really scary, a couple of jumpy parts. It was more on explaing what was going on in the first movie. I've watched the Japanese version which was a trilogy. Since they changed a lot of stuff in the American version, the sequel is almost exactly different from the Japanese version. I hope that there is no third part on the American version because they already put closure on it.

Today, I worked until 1pm. I then ran some errands. I went to the bank, I went to buy a table, I called the insurance for my car. Then I had dinner with C and Th. Afterwards, I dropped off a printing of scholarships info at Y's house because she was looking for scholarships. I brought my turtle (shrek) supposedly to visit Y's turtle (fiona). Y bought a tank for Fiona with heater, filter and lamp. Turtles are supposed to have a warm environment for their appetite. Both our turtles haven't been really eating. She offered if I want Shrek to stay in the tank for now. Y will buy shrimp tomorrow to feed the turtles and maybe their appetite will pick up because we don't see them eating the pellets. I said yes and left Shrek there and his box.

Which leads me to my first dilemma. I'm torn on whether to keep Shrek or give her to Y. Y's mom likes the turtle, too, and even asked Y to ask me if I'd want to sell it to her. Y's brother might get another one so Fiona won't be lonely. I found a tank with a system already for a cheaper price that I could buy Friday. But the commitment phobic in me wants to give Shrek to Y. The other side of me is telling me that it's about time that I take a chance. I know it sounds silly but this is a big step for me. I don't like taking responsibilities. I'm afraid of taking responsibilities. I've never had an actual pet that lasted before because I was never good at it (might have something to do with my commitment issues). My friend gave me a puppy when we were freshemen. It died. My other friend gave me an Iguana (I liked it, too) when I was a junior. It escaped. I had a fish just one day before new year's. Four days later, it died. Setting up a home for a turtle is expensive already, not to mention the responsibilities that come with it. Turtles grow really big, too. I'm rarely home and I'm afraid I might neglect it. I'm also afraid that even if I put out the effort, it'll just die when it could've lived if someone else had taken care of it. I don't know. But I need to figure this out by tomorrow so if I decide to give it to Y, I can call the owner of the tank and tell him that I won't be buying it.

The second dilemma would be career. I might have a meeting with my district manager about my panel interview this April. I also received an e-mail from the company I applied for before and they want to setup an interview. That company is located within driving miles from my parents house. I was going again to my parents house in April for my dad's birthday but if I setup an interview, I would have to stay longer than a weekend which would be a problem because my friend can only go with me to drive down Friday afternoon after her class and we have to come back Sunday because she has class Monday. I don't want to drive alone because: 1)my dad won't let me, 2)it's not safe, 3)it's boring, 4)I might be tired on my drive back that I might fall asleep which, last I heard, is dangerous when driving. So right now I'll try to see how the meeting will go this Friday and then I'll decide.

So I guess I'll go to sleep now. This is all the dosage I could take for now.

Intentions means nothing without action

2005-03-03T11:58:00.000-08:00

Since I've been lazy and haven't posted anything in a month, I'm going to have to post the run-down version, less detailed, kinda long post for February.

Feb. 2 : I honestly can't remember what I did

Feb. 3 : All I know was that I worked until 8:30pm

Feb. 4 : After my work (8:30pm), we went to my co-worker's house party. It was packed with people. We had a good time. At past 1am, we drove all the way to the city just to get some crepes. We got home at around 4am.

Feb. 5 : Two words - Party Bus. It was a blast. We stopped by to L11 lounge and to SnDr club. I went with my friends C, Th, CaPa and Y. C, as usual had a drunken phone call exclusively made for her ex boyfriend. She stayed at my place so she could sleep before going home at 9am.

Feb. 6 : I worked until 8:30pm again but didn't go out after.

Feb. 7 : I worked until 4:30pm and then we went to Gra lounge at night.

Feb. 8 : I had my doctor's appointment at 2:45pm because I felt a lump on my right breast. when I was on my way home, the cops were blocking the entrance to the "village" so I just went straight to Y's house. At around 4ish pm, me, Y and CaPa went hiking at the peak. We then went to have some tapioca (doctor's order said I can't have caffeine so I had banana milk) while waiting for Th. When Th got out of school, we met him at the pasta place and ate dinner.

Feb. 9 : I worked until 3:45pm. I think this was the night when me and C helped Th buy a gift for his gal pal's bday.

Feb. 10: I worked until 8:30pm. I don't think I went out.

Feb. 11: I worked until 8:30pm and then we met up at CaPa's place. We then left for the city where he was going to have his bday bash. We stopped by first at the hotel and then we went to Gra lounge. We left the Gra lounge and walked to another lounge, BlTr. I perosnally prefer the BlTr lounge. On our way to BlTr, my friend and co-worker An was having arguement over the phone with his lady. We went back to the hotel at around 3am. We (me, Y, Th and An) went back home at 3:30am.

Feb. 12: After work (the usual 8:30pm), we just hang out at CaPa's house with some pizza, churros and chocolate dip. We watched Sleeping in Seatle and Mr. 3000.

Feb. 13: Me and Y was going to hike but it started drizzling so we just decided to eat out. Th met us there. We watched Boogeyman after dinner. It was an ok movie...could've been worse like Darkness (I hate that movie!).

Feb. 14: I worked in the morning so I got out early. My friends and I met up at the tapioca place, this time I got avocado. We bounced at 11pm.

Feb. 15: CaPa's actual birthday. We went to steak house for his birthday dinner after my work.

Feb. 16-19: Big gap. I can't really remember what I did. I know I must've worked and I just know that sometime within that frame, we watched a movie in CaPa's house and did laundry.

Feb. 20: Me, Y and CaPa watched Constantine. Good movie.

Feb. 21-22: I think these were just workdays.

Feb. 23: I had my ultrasound and then went straight to work.

Feb. 24: Work

Feb. 25: Work and then we hit the club N with Y, Th, CaPa, Chr and C. C and Th both got really drunk. They both threw up. And of course, C's drunken phone call. We went to get food at around 3am. Long wait though.

Feb. 26: Went to SJ for a meeting at 2pm and then went to pick up my mails at my cousin's house.

Feb. 27: Workday

Feb. 28: Th sprained his ankle so he got someone cover his shift. I worked in morning and then went to Sta. Cr with CaPa, Th and Y. When we were at the shore, big wave came and we were running so we won't get wet. It was funny how Th hopped! Lots of surfers out that day. I was home at 9:30pm and picked up by C because she was craving for squidballs so we went to the Q. I wasn't already feeling well that night. I was losing my voice and my throat was really dry. I just helped C do her grocery shopping and then she dropped me off by midnight.

Mar. 1 : Before 3am I woke up and my throat was burning. It hurt so bad that I was so scared. I gargled warm water with salt and then I drank one glass of water. It helped a bit and then I was able to get some sleep. Worked in the morning(8am). I didnt have much voice when I went to work but I was slowly gaining it back by the afternoon. CaPa got to work early so I was able to leave early. I took a nap in the afternoon then went to the gym with Y even though I was already kinda sick. Go figure.

Mar 2 : I was sore because of the gym. My sinus was also clogged up. CaPa called me at around 10am. He was gonna have me work but after hearing my voice, guess he figured I couldn't. Lucky me, I had this day scheduled for day off. How convenient. In the afternoon, my friend Do came by. We went to her house before 3pm and ate before I dropped her off to work. Before 6pm, C picked me up and we went to the mall. She bought a pair of shoes. I was going to buy the same one but they didn't have my size so I'll just come back next week. Afterwards, we watched the movie Hitch. I loved this movie. Lots of great lines. I got home at around 11:30pm.

Mar 3 : I got the day off. I called my bank to send me another card. I intend to rest, but intentions means nothing without action.

Till come the weekend

2005-02-01T22:51:00.000-08:00

On January 28th, we watched a stage play on campus. It had been years since I saw a play before we went to this one. I went with Th since C wasn't available. Well, C actually drove down sout and visited her ex boyfriend. She spent the weekend there. Anyway, the play was called Tatarin. It was a Filipino play translated in English by professor from the campus and was produced by three alumni of the university. They produce Filipino plays, most were not active in theaters anymore, even in Philippines. Bottomline, I liked the play a lot. It was very well produced. The actors, dancers and director all did a good job.

I can't remember anything other than I worked on January 29th.

On January 30th, I worked in the morning and then at night, we went out for dinner. It was Th's actual 21st birthday. Went to Italian restaurant and my other friend paid the bill. It was fun. There were a lot of senseless and senseful thoughts and words...lots of laughters...lots of stories. It was great. We called it a night at past midnight.

Yesterday morning and I worked and just chilled. Talked to C at night and she told me that her weekend was fun. Well, as long as she's happy, who am I to discourage anything when she knows better anyway? Confusing, I know, but even I am confused. I still can't wrap my mind around the concept of her relationship with her ex boyfriend. I don't even think that the guy deserves it. Quite frankly, I think the guy is just taking advantage of her. Stringing her along just because he knows that she still loves him. But what else can I do but be happy for her when she's happy and be there for her when she's crying over him? She's old enought. When she's ready to let go, she will.

Today, I slept in and worked at 12:30pm. The first thing that my boss told me was that our delivery truck, that is the truck that delivers us our orders that we'll be need for our business, was stolen. I was really amused. It was bad but I was amused! You'd think that trucks have tracking devices or cameras or whatever nowadays. But we were able to get few things that we would need to run the business from the other branches. Thank goodness for big companies! Well, that's the update so far, till come the weekend.

Fun and great weekend

2005-01-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I posted so I'm trying to remember all the stuff that happened since. I have a really short term memory so whatever I post here, that's all I remember.

I can't remember anything extraordinary that happened since january 3rd to 6th. January 7th we were supposed to go to the city (commute since it was my friend's new year's resolution) but it was raining so we decided not to go. We did, however, go to the movie theater as we planned. We watched Ocean's 12. It wasn't as bad as people tried to make it to be. In my opinion, it was pretty decent for a sequel.

On the 8th, it was my cousin's 19th birthday. She was actually my niece since her mom is my first cousin but our age is so close that I don't let them call me aunt.

Fast forward to January 21st because I really can't remember anything in between. On the 21st, I worked until 8:30pm. At 9:30, we were on the way to the city to go clubbing. We saw the club but we had to go find parking. We got lost while looking for parking. We finally found the club again and found a parking. The sidestreet towards the bridge to go to the club was closed, under construction. So we looked for a parking again. We found one 2 stop lights away from the club. We fell in line. 20 minutes after, we found out that we were in the vip line so we went to the general line. At 11:40pm, we were being checked already for our I.D. All of us were 21 except for our friend who will turn 21 on the 30th. The bouncer said that it was a 21 and over night but we could've sworn that the website said that Fridays were 18 and over. But we didn't print out the sheet and who were we to argue with bouncers? So we left and ate at a diner instead. At past 1 am, we were buying liquor. I don't drink but the least I could do for my friend (Th) was buy him a drink. So we went to my other friend's (C) dorm and they had 10 shots, one after the other. My C's dormmate was really drunk. She wasn't able to go to work the day after. Both of my friends were passed out by 2:30am. They were really funny though. They had some great humourous lines. As for me, I watched the videos of Cayote Ugly and Ever After. They both woke up before 7am because we wanted to see the sunrise. My C's dorm was near a hil so we were gonna go up there but it was muddy and we didn't want to mess up our shoes. So we went to the building in campus that had high grounds. Lo and behold, fog were everywhere and getting thick by the minute. By 8am, we went back to the dorm because there was no way the sun was going to come out. We were hungry and knew that both of them won't be able to hold anything down so we decided to go to grocery store to buy eggs for soup. We stopped by at Starbucks and got us coffee (tea for me) and went to grocery after. We went back to the dorm and ate soup. Th and I left the dorm at past 9am. My adrenaline was still high so I decided to take a hot shower to relax my muscles so I could go to sleep. It worked. I slept from past 10am until before 5pm.

January 22nd. I picked my C up from her dorm and ate dinner. Then, we went back to her dorm to get the shaker and book because we forgot it. We then went to Starbucks and got ice. We dropped off Cambro from that store to another Starbucks. Then, we went to Th's house because he was holding his 21st birthday bash a week early. We helped him set up, but more liquor (and now I remember that on 19th we went liquor shopping). Early comers came at around 8:30pm. Most people got there at past 9:30pm. Me and C were the bartenders that night. Everyone liked the drinks that we made so that was good. Th had a buzz all night. C was passed out by 1am. Partly because she was really tired because she didn't really got much sleep that afernoon and partly because of the shots that she took. Her birthday was on the 11th so it was joined celebration (which reminds me, on the 11th, she had a night class till 9:30pm. I picked her up after and took her out for late dinner. She turned 22). The party had a good turn out. More than 30 people. I cleaned up a bit and I slept from about 5 am until before 7am. Th got only an hour. Poor thing didn't know where to sleep! Before 8am, we went to fast food and got breakfast. Then we went to grocery store because I need conditioner. Then we went back to Th's house to wait on our other friend. We went to go get tapioca milk tea after. We all parted ways at around 12:30pm. I had a couple of hours of sleep after (around 2:30pm until before 5pm).

January 23rd, C went to my house at 5:30 pm. Th was supposed to meet us up there but he woke up late. We then went to meet him at church. Church started at 6:30. We stopped by at Starbucks after and returned the whip cream maker that we borrowed for the party (for the deep throat shots). We then picked up our other friend who went to church during the day. We had tapioca milk tea again, plus squid balls, chicken, fish sticks, fries and nuggets. We called it a night before 11pm.

24th, worked and lots of sleep. Today worked and cathing up. Those were my updates, including my fun and great weekend.

I'll know soon enough

2005-01-02T18:03:00.000-08:00

Well, after the countdown, we went to our other friends' house. We stayed there until almost 4am. New Year's Day I worked but only until 5:30pm. I went to my cousin's house at night. I worked this morning and now I'm waiting for my friend to get here so that I could help her get her stuff to the dorms again. Her school starts tomorrow. We'll stop by to get fish food because I bought the wrong one (my poor fish!). Anyway, I didn't have any New Year's resolution because I believe that the changes that I will go through will depend on how much I want it to be done and the circumstances around me. So instead, I just made a list of New Year's goals that would make my life more fun, adventurous and light:

1) bunjee jump
2) scuba dive
3) sky dive
4) snow board
5) travel

That's it for now since everything on the list is expensive so I still have to save up. I'm thinking of getting a second job so I can save up and my job right now will just be for bills and "going-out" expenses. We'll see if by the end of this year I'll have the list checked off. Days go by so fast that I'll know soon enough.

We'll go from there

2004-12-31T21:22:00.000-08:00

Since I haven't posted in a while, I'll just put everything in a lecture-digest format.

~Went back home to my parents for the holidays on December 17th, which happened to be my brother's birthday also. We didn't really celebrate his birthday that date because he was coming home late from school and I went with my mom to the mall for Christmas shopping.
~It was my cousin's wedding on the 18th and everything was screwed up. I felt bad for my cousin because the things were not going according to plan. My cousin is a guy. That night, we celebrated my younger brother's birthday.
~I can't remember what happened on the 19th. Seriously.
~I slept most of my stay there.
~I went to my other company's Christmas party on 21st. My friends took me out for dinner after at Friday's.
~I hang out with my girl friends on 22nd. They gave me gifts but I had nothing to give. I was broke. It was fun, though. I miss my girls but we have our own lives now. We all seem to be happy with our lives, except for one - who is desperate to find someone to love who will love her back. I hope she finds him, or rather, I hope he finds her.
~I can't remember what I did on 23rd.
~Christmas Eve was at my aunt's house. It was fun but not as fun as the previous years. I don't know why. But it was fun all the same. I love my family and even though I chose to move away, I'm still thankful that I was born within the family line that I have.
~We didn't sleep till 5am. Christmas day we were awoken because one of my older brothers was treating brunch. Gotta love a loving family! Dinner was at my aunt's house again.
~On the 26th, lunch was on my eldest brother after church. The dinner was at the hotel, treat of my aunt's friend and his family. I won 50 bucks at the game! We went to watch movie Meet The Fockers - funny! Didn't get home till almost 2am.
~My flight was at 8:30am on the 27th. I had to wake up at 5:30am so I can take a shower, eat breakfast, beat the traffic and get to the airport on time. My friends picked me up at the airport (10am) and it was pouring. After dropping my luggage in my room, we went straight to lunch. Hang out, movies - Darkness (don't see it, it's horrible) and Closer (good movie). Hang out.
~28th, went to drop off Christmas presents and picked up mail at 408. Stayed home after.
~29th, started work.
~30th, worked.
~Today, I bought a fish (the snail came with it...so cute!). I named the fish Zephyr and the snail Sly. New Year's Eve...I don't know yet but I'm on my way to my friend's house than we'll go from there.

I'm back

2004-12-27T23:18:00.000-08:00

I went back home for my very short vacation on december 17th. I left home this morning. I'm really tired right now because I don't have much sleep so I'll just write details later. I'm tired but I'm back.

Until the next attack

2004-12-14T21:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after fixing and finishing my friend's audio, we left to eat out at our regular hang out with my other friend. It's actually my other friend whom I usually go with on Monday nights but last night all three of us were free. As usual, our topics were deep, mind and emotional boggling issues of life. Mostly of relationships - their relationships and my lack of it, they said even commitmentphobics have their time, yeah right - and how scary life suddenly became after I graduated. All in all, good food, good company, and good conversation. We called it a night at past 10pm.

Today I just worked. I slept in till 10am, I didn't even want to get up. I got over my series of insomnia which is good. I finally get some rest at night. That's just how it is with me. When I get an insomnia attack, it goes on for a while and then it stops...until the next attack.

I've lived a good life

2004-12-13T14:31:00.000-08:00

Let's see...I can't really remember what I did Friday. It seems so long ago. I think I worked. I may have ran some errands. I didn't go out at night. My friend called me after her work and wanted to go out but I declined because I was going to work the next day. I think I pretty much stayed home that day, with the TV and Internet.

Saturday. I started work at 5:30am. I don't remember much from this day also. I remember that I was supposed to go out with one of my friends because it was her birthday last week. And I backed out. I have my reasons of not going out that night, of course. For starters, I'm not really in the best financial status right now and going out - clubbing to be more specific - requires money. Second, I was doing my other friend's audio for her 18th birthday party for next week. Since I couldn't make it to her party, I have to make up for it somehow. Third, I was just not in the mood. What can I say? Moods like that just happen. Well, my other friends dropped by to get the music that I was working on. One of my girl friends also dropped off the books that she was giving me. I was also supposed to go with them since I was done with the music, and hang out to a friend's house. And yet, when they got here, I told them that I would just stay home. They understood, of course. They knew that I needed rest and they were aware of my insomnia issues. I think I'm becoming a flake and I don't like it.

Sunday, I slept in. It felt good to actually had some sleep. I went to my brother's friend's (I guess she's my friend now, too ;) company party. There was a white elephant exchange gift. I got a dvd player. Cool, huh? I stayed there until past 6pm. I went straight to my friend's dance practice. Most of them were upset because the choreographer, who was also part of the dance, didn't show up. It was also their last formal practice because the event is this coming Saturday. She was at the city with her ex boyfriend. But they all continued the practice and I subbed for the choreographer. Dinner was held between 9-9:20pm. Practice was wrapped at around 9:30pm. We went straight to our friend's house, ate some more, and watch a suspense-thriller-scary-supposed-to-be movie. It was ok. The story and the way the film was done were actually decent. Overall it was always about the company that I was with so it was fun. The choreographer showed up in the middle of the movie. She said hi and some of us said hi back. She didn't stay long. No one really talked to her. It was messed up but it was more her bad. Anyway, we left at around midnight.

Today I worked at 6:15am. My co-worker returned the book he borrowed ages ago, "Tuesdays with Morrie." He liked the book and I always recommend it. It gives a different way on how to look at life. Later I will fix the music again because the CDs that I made turned out bad - technically bad. Some of the songs did not register, not being read by the cd player so I have to re-do it. It's all good.

I won't stop reading and analyzing theories of life. I'll go on in dreaming and continue my own adventure of life. Maybe someday I'll be able to define it based on my own words and experiences. Maybe someday I can look back and say that I've lived a good life.

I am now a grown up, and I'm scared

2004-12-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

As usual, I worked on Tuesday morning. I stayed home in the afternoon. At night, I went to my friend's house for a study session.

Yesterday, I was off. I slept in so I finally got some rest even though it was not enough. On my way to school, I practiced - for the first time - the things that I needed to say for our group presentation. We had the presentation last night. I think we did okay. I knew I'll pass so it didn't really matter as much. I guess this happens on the last classes before graduating. Graduates become lazy.

Today I procrastinate, as usual. I had my take home exam for a week and I was only half-way done as of this morning. I took my book to work and answered a couple of questions during my lunch break. After work, instead of concentrating on it, I went online. Big surprise. I then dropped off one of my friends to work and then went to school. Driving to school I was really sleepy. I mean my eyes were really heavy. It was bad, I know. But I made it to school alive. That exam really gave me a headache.

I got to school one hour before the exam deadline. By the time was due, I finished it. Hasty but it was done. I stayed in the classroom for about 15 minutes to chat a bit and say goodbyes and good lucks.

Next In Line
What has life to offer me
When i grow old
What's there to look forward to
beyond the biting cold'
Coz they say it's difficult
Yes, stereotypical
You gotta be conventional,
You can't be so radical
So i sing this song
to all of my age
For these are the questions
We've got to face
For in this cycle that we call life
We are the ones who are next in line.
We are next in line..Oooh...Ohh..
We are next in line....
And we gotta work, we gotta feel,
let's open our eyes and do whatever it takes

This song has been stuck in my head after my finals. I was walking to my car and I still coudn't believe that I was done. I still can't. My diploma would be mailed to my parents in three months. What can I say, it's a slow process. I keep saying that I feel so old now that I have my bachelor's degree. But to be honest, it hasn't even really sank in yet. Before, I kept thinking that I was already in the real world. I was already paying my rent, my car, my car insurance, credit card(s), my classes, my books, etc. And then school's done. Suddenly I'm not a working student anymore. I am now just a worker. I'm so used in multi-tasking work and school so I don't know what to expect now. I'm not growing up in a regular sense anymore. I am now a grown up, and I'm scared.

That's life so far

2004-12-06T16:37:00.000-08:00

Friday, I didn't work. I went to work to get my paycheck. I was able to get a bonus this year. Then my co-worker and I went to lunch to the Thai place that we've been wanting to try. Great food. We went to our other friend's house and hang out there. We were waiting for his parents to go home so all three of us can go because his parents didn't have keys to the apartment. We went to get some tapioca milk tea. Then went to San Francisco to my co-worker's sister's condo to pick up his sister's mails. She was in hawaii. She just had a baby. I didn't get home 'till past midnight.

Saturday, I worked at 5:30am. At 5pm, I drove one of my friends to the baker's house so she could pay the cake that she would be having for her party. Wow. Big cake.

At 6pm, my friends and I met up. We were going to my friend's nephew's first birthday party. At 7:40pm, we were there. We stayed until 10:15pm. At 10:40, we were at my other friend's house party. They drank. We danced. They smoked. I was, as always, the designated driver. The perks of the person who doesn't drink. The party was cool, though. I had fun. We left the paty at about 1am. I got home at 1:30am.

Sunday, I worked at 8am. I didn't really sleep much, obviously. But because I partly have insomnia, I had even less sleep than the already given time. At work, I was a walking zombie. Some of my friends stopped by at work (the ones I didn't go out with the night before) and one of them asked me if I cried. That's how bad my eyes were. See what a couple of nights without sleep, not only because of the time I got home but also because of my insomnia attacks. My boss, worried about me, bought me lunch. I was feeling a little better towards the end of my shift.

No internet yesterday so I read. I didn't want to sleep in the afternoon because I might not be able to sleep at night. At 8pm, the tv movie "The Five People You Meet In Heaven" was on. I loved the book. The movie wasn't bad, either, just doesn't have as much of special effects as I was expecting. It ended at 11pm. I went to sleep after.

Today, I worked at 6:15am. I had more sleep. About 5 hours. My work ended at 11:30am. 2pm I went to get my mail at my cousin's shop. I move so much that I just decided to have my important mails go there. Fun. Reminisce. Company. Work. Exhaustion. Sleep deprivation. That's life so far.

Change has become me

2004-12-03T01:01:00.000-08:00

What did I do today? What else but work. I worked from 4:45-11:30am. My co-worker gave me a book entitled " The Good Earth" for my Christmas present. I'm going to read that on my plane ride back to my parents' house for Christmas. Anyway, I went home, checked my mails, and took a nap. I had to get back to work at 3pm because one of my co-workers called-in-sick. I left at around 4pm and went straight to my night class. There were few discussions and then my instructor gave as our take home exam. Went to drive-thru for dinner and ate it in my room while wasting away my time in front of the computer. It never cease to amuse me that no matter how long my day has been, I never really did much. I hope I'm not wasting my time here on earth. But even though my schedule seems so ordinary, changes still occur. I embrace every change that comes my way. Because somewhere along the way, change has become me.

I'm born free - until another day

2004-12-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

No work today. No play either. Well, maybe a little. I didn't get up till 11am. If I wasn't hungry I wouldn't even get up. In the afternoon, I helped my friend with her music that she would be using for her party. We then picked up her dress (gown actually) from the seamstress who altered it. We just grabbed a quick bite and then I went straight to school. We had a group meeting from 5:30-6pm. I was supposed to go to class after but I didn't go. I'm feeling lazy. So I just drove home after the meeting. There were just some presentation by other groups today anyway so I decided to just go home. Tomorrow my other instructor will give us our take home final. We'll submit it next week. 2 more classes and I'm born free - until another day...

Why I wanted to be single

2004-11-30T22:14:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up at around 8:30am (I meant really woke up...I usually wake up at wee hours in the morning and then I go back to sleep), an hour before my alarm was set. But I didn't want to get up because I usually don't get to sleep in. When I was starting to fall asleep again, my co-worker called me. I didn't recognize the number so I picked it up because maybe it's "business." He just wanted to know something about the movie Harry Potter but he didn't ask because based on my voice, he figured I was sleeping when he called. He knew how important my sleep is, since most of my friends know how much I work - both in job and in school - plus I get insomnia attacks more times than I wanted. So he said he would just call me back. He didn't, of course, but oh well.

I started work at 12:15pm. Work was uneventful, less busy than usual. I got off work before 7pm and went straight to the district Holiday Party. It was held in the bowling alley. The games and the shoes were paid for. I didn't really want to go, especially after finding out that there wasn't going to be food. But I had to go because the boss of my boss was expecting me. It was also a given that I had to show up because I'm up for promotion next year. To make things worse, my boss called me before I left work and said she couldn't make it. She can bail but I cant. Go figure. And just an icing on top, none of my co-workers came. I was the only representative while other partners from the district were able to go. Bummer. I only stayed an hour. I bowled one game. I suck at bowling but it was nice that I at least managed to get a "passing" score. I got 73 out of a 100.

At least my manager's phone call had good things. She told me that my raise was being pushed through because they had to make retro adjustments, that I had another review coming up so I'll have another raise, and that I was eligible for bonus which I will get in my next pay check.

I left at around 8pm. I figured if I'm not comfortable then I might as well just go home and watch "Gilmore Girls." After the program, I went to the kitchen and cooked some dinner. I was starving. "One Tree Hill" was on so I watched it while eating. The whole love saga in that show reminded me on why I wanted to be single.

the ones who walk away from Omelas

2004-11-29T18:33:00.000-08:00

Not much done today. After work, I just stayed home. Anyway, I promised some friends that I'll post this short story on my blog. It's one of my favorites:

The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas
by Ursula K. Le Guin

With a clamor of bells that set the swallows soaring, the Festival of Summer came to the city Omelas, bright-towered by the sea. The rigging of the boats in harbor sparkled with flags. In the streets between houses with red roofs and painted walls, between old moss-grown gardens and under avenues of trees, past great parks and public buildings, processions moved. Some were decorous: old people in long stiff robes of mauve and grey, grave master workmen, quiet, merry women carrying their babies and chatting as they walked. In other streets the music beat faster, a shimmering of gong and tambourine, and the people went dancing, the procession was a dance. Children dodged in and out, their high calls rising like the swallows' crossing flights over the music and the singing. All the processions wound towards the north side of the city, where on the great water-meadow called the Green Fields boys and girls, naked in the bright air, with mud-stained feet and ankles and long, lithe arms, exercised their restive horses before the race. The horses wore no gear at all but a halter without bit. Their manes were braided with streamers of silver, gold, and green. They flared their nostrils and pranced and boasted to one another; they were vastly excited, the horse being the only animal who has adopted our ceremonies as his own. Far off to the north and west the mountains stood up half encircling Omelas on her bay. The air of morning was so clear that the snow still crowning the Eighteen Peaks burned with white-gold fire across the miles of sunlit air, under the dark blue of the sky. There was just enough wind to make the banners that marked the racecourse snap and flutter now and then. In the silence of the broad green meadows one could hear the music winding through the city streets, farther and nearer and ever approaching, a cheerful faint sweetness of the air that from time to time trembled and gathered together and broke out into the great joyous clanging of the bells.

Joyous! How is one to tell about joy? How describe the citizens of Omelas?

They were not simple folk, you see, though they were happy. But we do not say the words of cheer much any more. All smiles have become archaic. Given a description such as this one tends to make certain assumptions. Given a description such as this one tends to look next for the King, mounted on a splendid stallion and surrounded by his noble knights, or perhaps in a golden litter borne by great-muscled slaves. But there was no king. They did not use swords, or keep slaves. They were not barbarians. I do not know the rules and laws of their society, but I suspect that they were singularly few. As they did without monarchy and slavery, so they also got on without the stock exchange, the advertisement, the secret police, and the bomb. Yet I repeat that these were not simple folk, not dulcet shepherds, noble savages, bland utopians. They were not less complex than us. The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist: a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain. If you can't lick 'em, join 'em. If it hurts, repeat it. But to praise despair is to condemn delight, to embrace violence is to lose hold of everything else. We have almost lost hold; we can no longer describe a happy man, nor make any celebration of joy. How can I tell you about the people of Omelas? They were not naive and happy children--though their children were, in fact, happy. They were mature, intelligent, passionate adults whose lives were not wretched. O miracle! but I wish I could describe it better. I wish I could convince you. Omelas sounds in my words like a city in a fairy tale, long ago and far away, once upon a time. Perhaps it would be best if you imagined it as your own fancy bids, assuming it will rise to the occasion, for certainly I cannot suit you all. For instance, how about technology? I think that there would be no cars or helicopters in and above the streets; this follows from the fact that the people of Omelas are happy people. Happiness is based on a just discrimination of what is necessary, what is neither necessary nor destructive, and what is destructive. In the middle category, however--that of the unnecessary but undestructive, that of comfort, luxury, exuberance, etc.--they could perfectly well have central heating, subway trains, washing machines, and all kinds of marvelous devices not yet invented here, floating light-sources, fuelless power, a cure for the common cold. Or they could have none of that; it doesn't matter. As you like it. I incline to think that people from towns up and down the coast have been coming in to Omelas during the last days before the Festival on very fast little trains and double-decked trams, and that the train station of Omelas is actually the handsomest building in town, though plainer than the magnificent Farmers' Market. But even granted trains, I fear that Omelas so far strikes some of you as goody-goody. Smiles, bells, parades, horses, bleh. If so, please add an orgy. If an orgy would help, don't hesitate. Let us not, however, have temples from which issue beautiful nude priests and priestesses already half in ecstasy and ready to copulate with any man or woman, lover or stranger, who desires union with the deep godhead of the blood, although that was my first idea. But really it would be better not to have any temples in Omelas--at least, not manned temples. Religion yes, clergy no. Surely the beautiful nudes can just wander about, offering themselves like divine souffles to the hunger of the needy and the rapture of the flesh. Let them join the processions. Let tambourines be struck above the copulations, and the glory of desire be proclaimed upon the gongs, and (a not unimportant point) let the offspring of these delightful rituals be beloved and looked after by all. One thing I know there is none of in Omelas is guilt. But what else should there be? I thought at first there were not drugs, but that is puritanical. For those who like it, the faint insistent sweetness of drooz may perfume the ways of the city, drooz which first brings a great lightness and brilliance to the mind and limbs, and then after some hours a dreamy languor, and wonderful visions at last of the very arcana and inmost secrets of the Universe, as well as exciting the pleasure of sex beyond belief; and it is not habit-forming. For more modest tastes I think there ought to be beer. What else, what else belongs in the joyous city? The sense of victory, surely, the celebration of courage. But as we did without clergy, let us do without soldiers. The joy built upon successful slaughter is not the right kind of joy; it will not do; it is fearful and it is trivial. A boundless and generous contentment, a magnanimous triumph felt not against some outer enemy but in communion with the finest and fairest in the souls of all men everywhere and the splendor of the world's summer: this is what swells the hearts of the people of Omelas, and the victory they celebrate is that of life. I really don't think many of them need to take drooz.

Most of the procession have reached the Green Fields by now. A marvelous smell of cooking goes forth from the red and blue tents of the provisioners. The faces of small children are amiably sticky; in the benign grey beard of a man a couple of crumbs of rich pastry are entangled. The youths and girls have mounted their horses and are beginning to group around the starting line of the course. An old women, small, fat, and laughing, is passing out flowers from a basket, and tall young men where her flowers in their shining hair. A child of nine or ten sits at the edge of the crowd, alone, playing on a wooden flute. People pause to listen, and they smile, but they do not speak to him, for he never ceases playing and never sees them, his dark eyes wholly rapt in the sweet, thin magic of the tune.

He finishes, and slowly lowers his hands holding the wooden flute.

As if that little private silence were the signal, all at once a trumpet sounds from the pavilion near the starting line: imperious, melancholy, piercing. The horses rear on their slender legs, and some of them neigh in answer. Sober-faced, the young riders stroke the horses' necks and soothe them, whispering, "Quiet, quiet, there my beauty, my hope...." They begin to form in rank along the starting line. The crowds along the racecourse are like a field of grass and flowers in the wind. The Festival of Summer has begun.

Do you believe? Do you accept the festival, the city, the joy? No? Then let me describe one more thing.

In a basement under one of the beautiful public buildings of Omelas, or perhaps in the cellar of one of its spacious private homes, there is a room. It has one locked door, and no window. A little light seeps in dustily between cracks in the boards, secondhand from a cobwebbed window somewhere across the cellar. In one corner of the little room a couple of mops, with stiff, clotted, foul-smelling heads stand near a rusty bucket. The floor is dirt, a little damp to the touch, as cellar dirt usually is. The room is about three paces long and two wide: a mere broom closet or disused tool room. In the room a child is sitting. It could be a boy or a girl. It looks about six, but actually is nearly ten. It is feeble-minded. Perhaps it was born defective, or perhaps it has become imbecile through fear, malnutrition, and neglect. It picks its nose and occasionally fumbles vaguely with its toes or genitals, as it sits hunched in the corner farthest from the bucket and the two mops. It is afraid of the mops. It finds them horrible. It shuts its eyes, but it knows the mops are still standing there; and the door is locked; and nobody will come. The door is always locked; and nobody ever comes, except that sometimes--the child has no understanding of time or interval--sometimes the door rattles terribly and opens, and a person, or several people, are there. One of them may come in and kick the child to make it stand up. The others never come close, but peer in at it with frightened, disgusted eyes. The food bowl and the water jug are hastily filled, the door is locked, the eyes disappear. The people at the door never say anything, but the child, who has not always lived in the tool room, and can remember sunlight and its mother's voice, sometimes speaks. "I will be good," it says. "Please let me out. I will be good!" They never answer. The child used to scream for help at night, and cry a good deal, but now it only makes a kind of whining, "eh-haa, eh-haa," and it speaks less and less often. It is so thin there are no calves to its legs; its belly protrudes; it lives on a half-bowl of corn meal and grease a day. It is naked. Its buttocks and thighs are a mass of festered sores, as it sits in its own excrement continually.

They all know it is there, all the people of Omelas. Some of them have come to see it, others are content merely to know it is there. They all know that it has to be there. Some of them understand why, and some do not, but they all understand that their happiness, the beauty of their city, the tenderness of their friendships, the health of their children, the wisdom of their scholars, the skill of their makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers of their skies, depend wholly on this child's abominable misery.

This is usually explained to children when they are between eight and twelve, whenever they seem capable of understanding; and most of those who come to see the child are young people, though often enough an adult comes, or comes back, to see the child. No matter how well the matter has been explained to them, these young spectators are always shocked and sickened at the sight. They feel disgust, which they had thought themselves superior to. They feel anger, outrage, impotence, despite all the explanations. They would like to do something for the child. But there is nothing they can do. If the child were brought up into the sunlight out of that vile place, if it were cleaned and fed and comforted, that would be a good thing indeed; but if it were done, in that day and hour all the prosperity and beauty and delight of Omelas would wither and be destroyed. Those are the terms. To exchange all the goodness and grace of every life in Omelas for that single, small improvement: to throw away the happiness of thousands for the chance of the happiness of one: that would be to let guilt within the walls indeed.

The terms are strict and absolute; there may not even be a kind word spoken to the child.

Often the young people go home in tears, or in a tearless rage, when they have seen the child and faced this terrible paradox. They may brood over it for weeks or years. But as time goes on they begin to realize that even if the child could be released, it would not get much good of its freedom: a little vague pleasure of warmth and food, no doubt, but little more. It is too degraded and imbecile to know any real joy. It has been afraid too long ever to be free of fear. Its habits are too uncouth for it to respond to humane treatment. Indeed, after so long it would probably be wretched without walls about it to protect it, and darkness for its eyes, and its own excrement to sit in. Their tears at the bitter injustice dry when they begin to perceive the terrible justice of reality, and to accept it. Yet it is their tears and anger, the trying of their generosity and the acceptance of their helplessness, which are perhaps the true source of the splendor of their lives. Theirs is no vapid, irresponsible happiness. They know that they, like the child, are not free. They know compassion. It is the existence of the child, and their knowledge of its existence, that makes possible the nobility of their architecture, the poignancy of their music, the profundity of their science. It is because of the child that they are so gentle with children. They know that if the wretched one were not there sniveling in the dark, the other one, the flute-player, could make no joyful music as the young riders line up in their beauty for the race in the sunlight of the first morning of summer.

Now do you believe in them? Are they not more credible? But there is one more thing to tell, and this is quite incredible.

At times one of the adolescent girls or boys who go to see the child does not go home to weep or rage, does not, in fact, go home at all. Sometimes also a man or woman much older falls silent for a day or two, and then leaves home. These people go out into the street, and walk down the street alone. They keep walking, and walk straight out of the city of Omelas, through the beautiful gates. They keep walking across the farmlands of Omelas. Each one goes alone, youth or girl, man or woman. Night falls; the traveler must pass down village streets, between the houses with yellow-lit windows, and on out into the darkness of the fields. Each alone, they go west or north, towards the mountains. They go on. They leave Omelas, they walk ahead into the darkness, and they do not come back. The place they go towards is a place even less imaginable to most of us than the city of happiness. I cannot describe it at all. It is possible that it does not exist. But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

Some days are just brutally uneventful

2004-11-28T17:28:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after work, I helped my friend run some errands. We then watched a movie at the "cheap theater," strolled in an outlet store and went back to her place for dinner because we were both financially challenged at the moment.

Today after work, my co-worker and I went to the Thai restaurant that my other co-worker recommended. It was closed. We went to the other Thai-Viet restaurant down the street. It was closed. We went to the Viet restaurant 15 minutes away and finally able to eat. Good food, great avocado pearl shake.

I finally did my laundry. My friend/co-worker asked me if wanted to join him hiking but I was too lazy and tired so I passed. I don't want be in pain when I work tomorrow, especially when I have to start work at 4:45 am. Some days are just brutally uneventful.

I thank God everyday that I'm alive

2004-11-26T17:16:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I last posted. Busy life...the usual work-school. My friend from back home visited me, flew in instead of driving 7 hours, and stayed with me for 5 days. I toured her around, going places that were at least 2 hours for one-way. She got here on 11/18 and left on her bday, 11/23. I took days off from work to give her company and show her places from 11/20-22 and went back to work 11/23 pm after I dropped her from the airport. It was fun but cruel in the pocket. I still have to pay my credit card bill.

I spent thanksgiving at my friend's house but I'm coming home for Christmas. It's actually going to be a long vacation, well, longer than usual for me. I took 10 days off from work and will fly home. Thanksgiving was fun, though. We ate fishballs and squidballs instead of turkey. We all had cravings for fishballs so we decided to cook it. One of my friends knew how to make the sauce and it was fantastic. I called home to greet them and my aunt because it was her bday. From what they said and what I heard, my aunt's (different one) house where the thanksgiving party took place (no such thing as just dinner in my family - always party because how much family, friends and relatives we have) was packed. I'm homesick but I'm not lonely. I don't know...I miss being with my loud, big family but I like living alone. I don't know yet how long I'm going to stay away, I'm finishing school this December.

I have the day off today and I'm feeling lazy. I should be doing my laundry, I have nothing to wear tomorrow for work. Maybe I'll do it later. Or I'll just find something else to wear.

I've been stressed. I'm still stressed. I'll be stressed for a while. But life is still good. I still know how blessed I am. And I thank God everyday that I'm alive.

I'm tired but I'm still standing

2004-11-13T01:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I basically just did my paper that was due the same day for my night class.

Today, I did my laundry at 10am because I haven't done it all week and I needed something to wear for work. I started work at noon. I was only supposed to work until 4pm but my co-worker got sick so I had to cover for her. I ended up staying until 8:30pm.

After work, I went to my friend's house. They were having a dinner for friends. Some talks. Some laughs. Some quiet moments. Some educational discussions. Good food. Good friends. We went home at almost 11:30pm Tomorrow I have work in different location. This Sunday I have work again. I'm tired but I'm still standing.

Tomorrow is another day

2004-11-11T17:35:00.000-08:00

I saw the time ticking so fast. I watched the days go by rapidly. Yet I'm having a long week. And it's only Thursday. Another challenge, another crisis, another opportunity. Tomorrow is another day.

The same me but a day older

2004-11-08T19:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after church and lunch, few of my friends and I drove my friend's grandpa around since he was new to the country. Afterwards, we just had a hang out night (before, during and after their dance practice...well, I joined in, too...somehow...)

I got home at around 10:30pm and woke up before 4am to get ready for work. I just stayed home after work so I could rest. I did my powerpoint slides for my group presentation and e-mailed it to my groupmate. I started (sort of) my paper and all in all just catching up. Nothing extraordinary today. The same me but a day older.

I can finally go to bed

2004-11-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

Last night my co-workers and I went to the city. It was one of my co-workers' birthday and some of our company got really drunk. Two of them passed out! I really don't get the concept of drinking. They said that you have to get the buzz before you really appreciate it. I don't drink. I hate the taste and I hate the after taste. I couldn't past 2 sips and that's only when my friends beg me to drink. Peer pressure really don't do a lot to me. I'm quite stubborn. If I don't like something, I don't like it - no matter how much everybody else loves it. Alcohol (and cigarettes) aren't really my thing. I don't get how people can drink those stuff. Maybe it's because I'm picky with my drinks. I don't even drink coffee and I'm surrounded by caffeine almost everyday! I don't mind being around people who drinks or smokes, hell they can even do drugs in front of me as long as they don't harm me. I just don't like doing those things myself. I sometimes remind my friends not to drink but I don't nag them. They're old enough to know what's right and wrong.

Anyway, I got home few minutes before 4am. I worked at 10am. My housemate's daughter started celebrating her birthday at 4pm, I got home about hour and a half before. Well, let's just say that resting is out of question when there are 10 screaming 10-year-old girls out in the leaving room. No matter how hard I tried, it was useless. So what else can I do but get out of bed and join the party. It started mellowing down at 7pm. The girls went home and most of the people left were adults (who can keep their voices down). So I went back in my room, checked my messages and updated my blog. I can finally go to bed.

Party up

2004-11-05T21:24:00.000-08:00

I was able to have someone work for me today so I could go to my job interview . I think the interview went well. Still, it's up to the panel (there were 3 interviewers) to decide, given also the experience and knowledge of other applicants. I'm not getting my hopes up. Though it would be a big help for me financially and professionally (experience-wise), I won't be disappointed if I don't get it. I'm next in line to be promoted in the company I'm working at right now, anyway.

For now, I'm heading to the city to celebrate my co-worker's birthday. Party up!

at least I tried

2004-11-03T21:20:00.000-08:00

[Middle English stresse, hardship, partly from destresse(from Old French. See distress), and partly from Old French estrece, narrowness, oppression (from Vulgar Latin *strictia, from Latin strictus, past participle of stringere, to draw tight.)

More to do list:

1) call mom and dad again
2) call car insurance
3) print own copy of resume
4) print list of reference
5) study for another midterm
6) pick up mail
7) stop by for brw
8) stop by for tips
9) stop by for coffee beans

*must complete by 5pm. I have job interview this Friday. I really want the job. Let's see what happens. But if nothing else, I can say that 'at least I tried.'

life gets shorter than it originally is

2004-11-02T21:57:00.000-08:00

To Do List:

1) call mom and dad
2) check finals week schedule
3) finish essays
4) call apt for deposit
5) take care of car insurance fee
6) measurement for cousin groom
7) research methods for group work
8) study for midterm
9) do assessment for work
10) check up on aunt who had surgery

*Must finish by Wednesday before 5pm

Because life is borrowed, it is a given that it is short. But due to unwarranted stress and piling up responisibilites, life gets shorter than it originally is.

In the end, we deal as we go.

2004-11-01T20:06:00.000-08:00

The unpredictability of life is often seen when the thing that you thought wouldn't change does, when the people you think wouldn't falter do, and when the stable beliefs that you have are questioned. When all these things happen at once, what do you do? Do you go with the flow? Do you rebel against it? Or do you pave your own way? What changes are you willing to implement at any kinds of risk that come with it? What things would be left untouched? Life is not made to be fair. But if the unfairness exudes happiness, maybe it's time the way of life be changed. In the end, we deal as we go.

Happy Halloween

2004-10-31T16:04:00.000-08:00

Hal·low·een also Hal·low·e'en n.
October 31, celebrated in the United States, Canada, and the British Isles by children going door to door while wearing costumes and begging treats and playing pranks.

October 31, Halloween; a day of celebration for Wiccans and other pagans; also called November Eve, Hallowe'en, Feast of Souls, and Feast of the Dead.

The evening preceding Allhallows or All Saints' Day.

Last night's halloween party was great. Good food, great friends, addicting salsa dip, fabulous music and awesome costumes. I was a late arriver. I slept for two hours in the afternoon so at least I wouldn't be so tired at night because I worked that morning. I also bounced early. I left at past 11pm because, well, I had to work this morning. I'm not complaining. I'm just tired. I'm going to church tonight. I'm invited to a block halloween party tonight but I don't think I'm going to go. I need rest. I have work tomorrow morning. In any case, happy halloween.

But who's complaining?

2004-10-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I worked in the morning and went to a meeting that was moved from 2:30 to 3:30pm. It was over at around 5:30pm. My friend and I didn't know where to go so we decided to go to the mall. Well, he was the "girl" yesterday. He shopped and I didn't. I was simply tagging along. By 7pm, we were on our way to his house. There was no one home so he invited a few friends over to hang out. They really didn't start arriving till almost 9pm but it was ok since we basically ate and watched movie until our friends arrived. There was a big argument on wheteher the plural for fish is still fish or fishes. Anyhow, I left before midnight because I still had to go to work in the morning.

Came morning. I started work earlier today at 5:30am. I was done ate 12:30pm. I'll be taking a nap in a bit because later I still have to a halloween party. I think I might leave early, though. I'm still not fully recovered and I need to be ok by Monday because I have to study. I have midterms next week. Besides, I start work again tomorrow at 5:30am. The beauty of being and independent young woman: too young, too inexperienced, too underpaid. But who's complaining?

Wearing it out

2004-10-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

So I did finally went back to sleep at past 6am this morning. I kept waking up almost every hour. I decided that it was hopeless at past 10am so I decided to get up. I wonder how many people nowadays are sick of chicken soup. I've been eating nothing but chicken soup since Monday, with an exception of a couple of lunch meals and some bread on the side. On the upside, I had an avocado shake this evening even though it was supposed to be bad for me.

The errands that I was supposed to run earlier were still not done. I guess there's always tomorrow. I still have to buy my costume for the halloween party this coming Saturday. I submitted my paper, though, and my professor wished me well. I kinda have to. It's our midterm next week.

My friend is going to have a birthday bash on Dec. 18th and I have a significant role. All the invitations are done and printed out, just need some punch holes for the ribbons, and are going to be sent out next week. Here's the thing, though. My cousin called me at around 8pm and told me that he was getting married and asked me to be one of the bride's maids. Guess when their wedding date is. That's right, Dec. 18th. Go figure. But he's family and we practically grew up together so I would have to go. So I called my friend immediately after I hang up to tell her that I couldn't make it on her birthday shindig. After so much apologies, she said she understand. I know she was disappointed. I would be, too, if I was in her situation. See, she's the kind of person who plans things out ahead of time. And me bailing out on her doesn't help, and of course, would lead to disappointment. Even though she said she understood because family comes first, I know what she must be feeling. I feel guilty also because I promised to be there. I promised to be one of those people who would be there to light up her path and wish her nothing but good things. I told her I'll make it up to her. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to do that. That's one night I'm going to miss out. That's one night I could never get back again. That's the night they're going to have their last dance.

I guess I should go and try to get some sleep now. I'm working tomorrow and have to get up at 4am. I have some time to rest after because I get off from work before 11am. Then we have a meeting at 2pm, afterwards would be my co-worker's baby shower. I'm still clogged up and sick but I'm getting better, just wearing it out.

Insomnia

2004-10-28T04:49:00.000-07:00

in·som·ni·a n. Chronic inability to fall asleep or remain asleep for an adequate length of time.

I slept at around 11pm. I woke up at 12:30am. I tried to sleep again and woke up at around 2am. I've been awake since. It's amazing how many thoughts can cross in a mind in a couple of hours that you're willing yourself to sleep...things that I could be doing, things that need to be done, to do list for the day, what had happened, what could happen, what I want to happen...it goes on and on, and yet, I'm still awake. Not just awake, mind you, WIDE AWAKE! My sleep deprivation might be because I'm used to getting up early. I usually get up at 4am to get ready for work. My internal clock might've been thrown off now that I have 2-days off from work. Still, it doesn't make sense that I'm awake at 2am with only more or less than a couple of hours of sleep. Another reason might be because of the cold (and I've been sneezing in the middle of the night, too!) I still have. It's one of the reasons why I'm in and out of my sleep for the past couple of days. But at least in previous nights, I get to go back to sleep. But I think I'm feeling better even though I don't have much sleep. I don't have headache anymore and the sinus has mellowed down. I've been drinking meds and lots of aqua, not to mention I've been drowning myself with hot tea and soup, so I guess those helped a lot. Still, I don't think I'm going to my night class tonight. I don't trust myself driving home at 10pm and my school is a 40-minute drive. So I'm just going to submit my paper during my professor's office hours and then go back to bed. I might have some errands to run today but that all depends if my lack of sleep would give me enough energy to get things done. For the meantime, I'll try to bore myself - which is hard coz I know a million things on how to amuse myself - and maybe I can get back to sleep.

Still Sick

2004-10-27T15:40:00.000-07:00

How is it that some people can plan their lives way ahead of them even though they don't know how long they're going to live, and given that life - no matter how boring a person might live - has a lot of unexpected circumstances tagged along with it? How is it that even when a person is surrounded by opportunities, catching the right one - or any at all - is still as hard as finding the right love? Why is it that sometimes when running errands, the main ones were the ones forgotten? Is it because the mind is processing a million things at once and the important ones are simply overlooked? Or is it because the number of important things need to be done has increased drastically that it has become overwhelming, to the point that the initial significant items on the list are forgotten? Not much more to say, so much thoughts to process, nowhere to go...I'm still sick.

I'm sick

2004-10-26T22:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes sickness is blamed for not being coherent, not formulating the right decisions - or lack thereof - to being downright, well, stupid. Is it really excusable? Why is it that some people are still working hard while they're sick and yet they try to catch pity from people around them even if they don't admit it? Being sick has also become an excuse to drown oneself from self-pity and imagining the worst scenarios that could happen in life, or the worst scenarios that already happened. Not that the self-pity and the play-by-play worst case was not part of daily routine, it just seems to max it out when people are sick and they expect it to be excusable. I don't know what I'm blabbering about. I'm sick.